The Circle of Life

I've got a whole lot of things to update, yet not one thing in particular. I just noticed that it's been about 6 weeks since I wrote last and that's just not good for blog readership. I'll admit, part of the problem is Facebook. Maybe I should start a Facebook fast.....

I'm still slogging away at the speech problem for my son. I'm waiting to hear from the CCAC to see if he'll be approved for therapy. It's unlikely. Here's what else I'm looking into....maybe if I list it all, it'll help me keep working on them all uniformly.

• Special Services at Home: This program will give us funding that I think I could use to have a part time EA come into our home and help implement my homeschooling program. To supplement the preschool curriculum I'm using, I'm ordering a home speech therapy program from a really great site called NATHHAN. It's a wonderful resource with tonnes of articles about home educating your special needs child. Of course, I'll have to assess if the program is suitable for Jairus when it arrives. I might have to seek out some help with that.
• Tomatis: A friend took her daughter to this highly expensive and intensive therapy in Toronto that helps with audio processing disorders and many other disfunctions that Jairus shows. I'm considering applying to PC Children's Charities to see if they'll fund it for us. Otherwise, it's about 4 grand which is unmanagable for us.
• The Gregory School: This private school for "Exceptional Learners" is not far from us in Ancaster. I spoke with the principal a couple weeks ago and scheduled a visit, however, that was postponed and I haven't heard back about a new appointment. He would only attend part-time, but this school is extremely expensive. Again I thought of PC Children's Charities, but I don't think it would work for a school.
• I'm still after the CCAC and the Homeschool Legal Defence Agency may be of help. The fact is, all homeschooled children are afforded the same therapies as a public schooled child and I'm not sure where the CCAC gets off drawing a line in the sand and saying that some children can have it and some can't.
• Private therapy: I have names for two highly recommended therapists. With the money we receive for Jairus from the Association for Children with Severe Disabilities, we could swing a couple sessions a month I think. However, I wanted to use that money for a few other things for Jairus too---his cranial sacral therapy, chiropractic/Turners therapy, a special swim class and a gymnastics class. It just won't stretch.

So that's the update for Jairus.
Our dog Gideon died. Somewhat suddenly, he became ill, lost his strength and 2.5 days later died at the emergency vet clinic in downtown Hamilton. We're not sure what happened, although there's a few theories: an immune system problem where it went into 'overdrive' and started destroying his red blood cells---this could have been triggered by an infection, a virus, a reaction to antibiotics or cancer. The vet also wondered if he could have gotten into rat poison because of some markings he found on Gideons tummy. That made me wonder about his food, as we were using a brand that was part of that big recall in the spring, just not the same form. I think we'll probably never know what happened. He was eight, which was somewhat old for a Newfoundland dog, and he lived a pretty good life I think.
I'm pregnant again. I've told alot of people, so that they'll pray. I'm ten weeks, almost ll now and things seem ok. I'll see my midwife next week, so I'm looking forward to that.
Homeschooling is going not too bad. We're still not getting a full 5 days in a week. Something always seems to come up---holidays, appointments. I'm not really concerned because it is just a preschool program, which alot of homeschoolers don't even bother with. But Honour is 4 now and quite keen on learning everything. I think I'll start looking into a kindergarten program to move her up. It'll take some rearranging of the routine we've gotten used to during our schooling segments, but I suppose it'll always been changing like that as the kids grow.
James starts his first weekend away with his Basic Military Qualifications, or BMQ for short. I've not been looking forward to this. He'll leave tonight--we probably won't see him after work and he'll be gone until around lunch on Sunday, I believe. I'm not sure, but I might just go to my moms for the day tomorrow. Don't really have the gas for that though. I've just been so tired and at times, depressed with this pregnancy. I have some good days where I get alot accomplished, but many days I do nothing. The next two days look like a bleak desert stretching ahead of me.
Still trying to toilet train Jairus. He IS improving, but slowly. He can often stay dry, but bowel movements are another story. And try cleaning poop out of training pants when you're 2.5 months pregnant. Ohh yeah, it's bad. I gave up on Verity. I just couldn't do them both at once, and she was doing worse then Jairus. Makes me feel like a heel when her cousin who's a) a boy and b) a week older then her has been trained for close to a year.
 Sigh.

Very Upset

You know when you get into a confrontational situation and afterwards, you're just shaking like a leaf?
When you're angry and upset and trying to keep your cool when really you could just throw something hard?

Last year around this time, I was enrolling Jairus in a special speech school in Burlington. After meeting with the director, who used to run a speech camp that my brother Ben went to years ago, I was really pleased and felt, after much searching for the right place for Jairus, that this was it. It was very expensive, but thanks to Mvelopes, I had been able to isolate the money we recieve for Jairus' special needs and put it completely towards this endeavour. It would be just enough.
A few days after the meeting and the directors verbal assent to Jairus enrolling, I happen to remember that the topic of his lack of toilet training hadn't come up. I thought I'd better cover my bases. I emailed and mentioned that Jairus was still in diapers.

To my dismay, I got a response shortly after that they have a policy of only working with toilet trained children.
At this point, Jairus was five. He had about 5 words that he could say and be recognized. He was psych-ed assessed shortly after and appeared to be functioning at a 2.5-3 year old level. Toilet training wasn't even on the horizon. The director told me that once he was trained, we could resume the process.
I began immediately, but saw no progress. I have to admit, I could have been more diligent, but inside, I felt he was not capable at that point. It seemed a pointless battle. I hoped he would have it together by the new year....but he didn't.
I recieved one more email from the director throughout the year asking how it was going. I appreciated that she remembered but I was a little frustrated by the school's stance. Children with the kind of speech difficulties that they apparently specialized in, often have more delays then just speech. I wasn't the only one who noticed this incongruity. Other therapists and health professionals throughout the year voiced the exact same sentiment when the topic was broached. But I didn't question the school.
As summer approached, I was inspired to try again. Summer is always said to be the best time to toilet train and an entire two months would surely do the trick. I dove in with gusto. I bought more training pants. I bought a kitchen timer. I bought M&M's.

And I've been pleased to see slow but steady progress. Here we are at the end of the summer, and yesterday Jairus was dry all day long. He's even started to tell me when he needs to go, using a verbal approximation that sounds like 'Gooo'. (Lovely...)

After a few weeks of training, when I had seen enough progress to realistically hope that he'd be ready for September, I sent off an email to the school. Reminded them who I was. Talked about Jairus' progress with toilet training. Asked what program he could enroll in and what the cost was.
I heard nothing back.
After a few weeks, maybe two, I called to find out why I hadn't heard. Their voicemail message said they were away until August 27th. I was extremely disappointed, but figured that I could wait. I couldn't understand how they could run a school and not be back until so late in August. It never dawned on me that this could pose a problem.

August 27th came and went and no phone call. August 28th. On the afternoon of August 29th, I decided to call again. This time, the director hurriedly answered and insisted on calling me back as she was in meetings all day. Before she got off though, she told me that they were not offering the kindergarten program from last year and the grade 1 program was already full. She would phone me back the next day, regardless.

I got off the phone and slowly walked up to my room, kicking a blow up water ring as I went and crying from my bellybutton. My last hope for Jairus withered and died, as the air leaked out of that water ring.

By the time James got home, I was angry. How early should I have been calling to be sure he'd have a position for the fall? Was he now going to be denied for a second year?

Today, the director called me back and stated exactly the same thing she had on the phone yesterday. I had harboured a small hope that because she thought we should talk more about the issue, that perhaps they had some other kind of program he could be in. She did not. I expressed, in fairly calm tones, my frustration with the entire situation: the toilet trained policy, the long wait for a response. I asked when the class had filled up (read: if you had answered my email in July, would there have been room then?) She couldn't tell me when. She had perfectly reasonable excuses--that they had been on holiday all summer and didn't check emails (always a good practice when you're running a business), they don't have someone in the office to take care of calls and emails (and who's choice is that? Are you saying your exorbitant prices aren't enough to hire a secretary?), their daughter had a baby so they didn't come in until the 28th (ok, fine) and it had only been one day after that when I called (a day and a half).
She offered to call if anything changed and Jairus could have a spot.

I told her not to bother.

Two Parter

A little over a week week ago we came back from Camp Glenhuron, near Goderich on the shores of....indeed, Lake Huron. This year, we did music camp.

It was the first time I had been to music camp in about twenty years. Oh yes, I can say that. I was about 12 or 13 when I went to Camp Selkirk and attended the Salvation Army's Southern Ontario Divisional music camp. At least, I think that was the title....

I have some good memories of that. I did, of course, the vocal music track and sang in choirs, competed in the solo competitions. I've got a bunch of trophies and plaques sitting in a box somewhere. Honour discovered them recently and was quite proud of me. I was surprised she knew what they represented.


There's of course a few not-so-good memories of music camp. That age is so awkward and I was such a moron in alot of ways. Of course, I'm talking about boys. And that's as far as I'll go....


I was quite surprised actually to get the email a few months back asking me to be the guest vocal director for the week. It was a combined Junior and Senior music camp, which meant there would be kids from about 8 up to 18. And Selkirk was long ago sold so now it was to take place at Glenhuron. I'd never been there but the name had a vague familiarity.


I started preparations a number of weeks before the camp, gathering music from the HCC's library and scouting around for a few other pieces that would work. I was also in charge of finding and leading the 'camp chorus'---a nice song for everyone to sing as a big mass goodbye. What I didn't realize when I was looking for this song was that Glenhuron has also been sold (see the facebook group named something like "Those against camp closings" for more details). This would be the last music camp. The last camp chorus.


I was a little nervous heading into the week. I'd never been there, wouldn't know my way around. I knew a few people that would be on faculty with me, but figured there'd be alot I didn't know. And as always in the Salvation Army, I suspected there would be alot of people whom I had once known, maybe more than twenty years ago. People that I should remember, but probably wouldn't. I hate that feeling.


We left bright and early on Saturday the 28th. I had to be there for a 10am meeting and we figured it was at least a 3 hour drive. We had almost everything packed up the night before and loaded into the van. The drive was pleasantly about 1/2 an hour less, which was great because, of course we didn't leave on time.


I don't want to make a huge post here by detailing every moment of the week, so I'll skip around here.....it was an awesome week. I knew, or knew of alot of the faculty, and those I met soon felt like I'd always known them. A few acquaintences are now much closer to friend status. I reconnected with a few people I've known for years but just don't have the opportunities to see or talk with them.


I worked with a group of 13 young women and 3 faculty ladies who composed a quite satisfying womens choir. We tackled 6 pieces over the course of the week, one which we sang the morning after we got there after one rehearsal, two by midweek at an old fashioned open-air meeting and then the final three at the closing program. They were lovely and mature, talented and altogether a pleasure to work with. I invited them all to come join the HCC (!)

I ended up using a piece for the mass number by Chris Rice called Go Light Your World. I came to really love it, especially the version he himself recorded as opposed to the Kathy Troccoli version. It so happened (well, she was the one who suggested it) that my friend Sonia had many copies I could borrow. I really enjoyed teaching it---I had 30 minutes every day to work with all 120 campers and 50 someodd faculty. It was a simple enough piece and, not to be biased, but Salvation Army kids are generally superior musicians so they picked it up quickly. In four parts, no less.
It seemed a perfect ending song for camp and also for Glenhuron. But I was the outsider here. I was the newbie, the stranger in camp. And I came in bringing this song.....it was difficult to get a feel for how everyone was taking it. Did they all think it was as perfect a song as I did? They all did quite well at the final program. My husband said the audience was quite....emotional. I had my back to them, so I didn't know.
But then, we went to Mountain Citadel yesterday and I had a woman come up to me and tell me how beautiful the song was. Guess she was there. It was a nice feeling.

James had a great week with the kids as I ran around from rehearsals to theory to elective classes. Once they were into a predictable little routine (eat, trampoline, eat, swimming, eat----that was pretty much their days) they did just fine.

And it was just....camp. You know that atmosphere? That different-world feeling? That how-will-I-ever-go-back-to-my-life-of-laundry-toilet-training (oh yes, still there)and-breaking-up-fights feeling? Well, I'm back.



It's not so bad.

Part II

After spending two and a half days at home, I packed the kids up and went to Fair Havens. Mom and dad and the kids were up and James had gone to Owen Sound to do a job for the rest of the week. While I was there, I read this book....

I've been interested in natural health stuff for a while. I think it started when I met a midwife in Chicago. That's when I first learned about homebirthing and then everything progressed from there. A while after Jairus was born, I started looking around for more that could help him. When I think about it, the Lord has really placed alot of people and resources in my life pointing towards natural health. It's too long to get into now however....

This book was by a doctor named De Haan and it's called "We Don't Die---We're killing ourselves". Now, I've read a fair bit about natural nutrition over the past few years. I've read all about the pesticides and hormones/chemicals in our food, the lack of vitamins and minerals in our soils leading to devitalized fruits and veggies, the dangers of sugars, dairy, white flour. I've heard about and considered a number of natural supplements, even tried some of them. For a while there in Brantford, I was visiting the natural health store and buying reverse-osmosis water by the jugful. This was why we splurged on a water softener and r/o system in our new house. I would also buy whole wheat and grind it myself, making bread in my breadmaker. It was good, if a little crunchy. I haven't done that since we moved, so that makes it over a year.

And then a few months ago I took Honour to the family doctor. She'd been complaining of stomach pains on and off for a long while. He couldn't find anything wrong, but we suspected lactose intolerance, so we took her off regular milk and bought lactose free for her. It's hard to say if it really helped. She doesn't complain much now....unless we're in the car. She complains almost everytime we get in the car, even after only 30 seconds---much too quickly for car sickness, in my opinion. But she also has had a number of skin issues over the past year, and along with the dark circles under her eyes that my mom has always pointed out, it seems suspicious of some kind of allergy.

So back to the book. This guy De Haan encourages a complete ban on dairy and grains, with a few exceptions. I've heard the milk issue before, but not ALL of dairy. And I've never heard the grains one. I thought when I was grinding up my own flour I was doing the best possible thing. He says that 75% of the population is allergic to dairy and gluten. His suggestion is to use spelt, which is fine, I can do that. And his suggestion for milk is to use goat milk. So I picked up a litre of it last week (at $2.99) (for a litre). Jairus and Verity didn't notice. Honour didn't like it. I didn't like it.

The funny thing is that I've been seeing a naturopath in Brantford for an issue he's known to deal with quite well. He gave me his 'nutrition 101' shpeil at my last appointment and he got talking about some of the very ideas regarding the acidity and alkalinity of food that Dr. De Haan did in his book. Before that I'd never heard about it.

Sigh. I know I'm not being real clear here, and kind of jumping around. There's just too much to get into in a single post, specially since this one is already SO long! The bottom line is I should make some changes but I'm not sure I have the courage, diligence or tenacity to do any of it.

And that's where I'll stop for now.

I would rather give birth again....

....then toilet train.

But then that would mean that 2 years down the road, I would be doing this all over again.

Of all the parent responsibilities, I think I can truly say that I hate toilet training the worst. I'm not sure, but I think it's the ambiguity of not knowing when it will ever end. Everyone says, well they won't head off to highschool in a diaper....they say that because you can't say that the kid won't head off to kindergarten in a diaper. Because that's my kid. But this is besides the point.

I told myself that I would do this once summer hit and I had a week or two I could devote to it without racing off to appointments or whatever. Well, so far, such a week had not presented itself----in fact, I seemed to have had more appointments the last few weeks than normal.

So finally, yesterday I faced the fact that I was not going to get a week or two without leaving the house, and summer was quickly getting away from me, so I decided I had to do it. I bought a dollar store kitchen timer (which doesn't seem to be working ALL the time) to help in the process. My problem before has been that I start off well first thing in the morning, but then suddenly lunch is there and I haven't taken the kid back to the bathroom. We've been buying pull-ups for a while (part of the self-delusion that I've been working on this) so out they came. Good thing they fit a little two year old bum as well as a six.

And so now it's after lunch, my time. I make the kids lunch, clean up while they eat and then put two down for naps and one down for a 'quiet time'. Then I make my own lunch and sit and do computer stuff while I eat. I need this time. It's my refueling time, in more ways then one.

Today I look back on the mornings attempts. About 5-6 stickers doled out--one for every dry pull-up and another if the deed gets done in the toilet. Both kids went through 2 pull ups. One kid did the deed.

I try to recall the morning I started Honour. I had figured one trip to the bathroom per hour would be sufficient (beginners ignorance). And I immediately pulled out the waffleware. Blunder number 2. She went through all 7 pairs in less then an hour. The rest of her training is a blur in my mind---she might have done it herself for all I know.

I'm trying to keep in mind that as soon as we've conquered this, we'll be saving 80 bucks per month. We need that to go to the furnace we bought and the air conditioner I bet we'll have to add to the package, as our current one appears to have turned into the worlds ugliest lawn ornament. That's all rather annoying too. If I knew the extra money could be going towards, oh, the Ikea pantry unit we've been waiting over a year to buy, that might be a little more motivating.

And frankly, knowing that this won't last forever is just not helping matters. I feel like I'm standing in a desert, staring off over hills and valleys of sand....with no end in sight.

Opinions

Another post on my Facebook experience.....

First, for those who aren't ON, once you sign up, you can join 'groups'. These are special interest groups, generally speaking. It's another way to connect up with people you have things in common with. For instance, I am on a Fair Haven's staff alumni group, a Hamilton Children's Choir group, and I started a Pierre Robin Group myself. It's still small, but I'm sure it'll slowly grow. I already had an interesting chat with a teenage boy who deals with many effects of PRS. Gives me an idea of what Jairus might encounter....

There are THOUSANDS of groups. There are wonderful, heartwarming groups. There are funny, sarcastic groups. There are groups of mommies, groups of teens, groups of soldiers, groups of students. There are rude, crude groups. There are groups with one person in them. There are groups with 10,000 people in them. You could, like with the friend lists, spend HOURS browsing through the groups and reading discussions.

Recently I spotted a group on a friends profile that I checked out. It was called something like 'The Holy Spirit is using my soul, so I can't take the Challenge'.

"Hmmm, what's this challenge?" I thought.

It turns out that some group of atheists out there put forth a challenge inviting people to denounce the Holy Spirit on tape and post it on Youtube. I won't get into my thoughts on the original challenge right now.
This 'I can't take the challenge' group originated at Liberty University, of which the late Jerry Falwell was the founder. Many of the group members are students there....and a few who are definitely not students there.
From what I could read, it seemed that there were a few young men who had joined the group just to mock, humilate, taunt, deride....I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point. They were often crude and used profanity (knowing this would likely bother or offend the group members).

Many heartfelt members of the group tried valiently to defend their position and answer the many arguments the debaters put forth. It gained them nothing. The debaters were not there to be 'won over'. Likewise, any 'witnessing' attempts were fruitless and cyber-spat upon.

The whole thing was just very sad and disturbing.

However, the one positive thing I noticed was that as far as I read (and there were many, many disussion topics I didn't get to---it would have taken me days) the christians on this site never once returned the caustic wit aimed at them. There were many posts that talked about love and acceptance, that they would be praying for the debaters and what seemed to be sincere expressions of caring.

On to another group....

I don't know where I found this one, but it's name was something like 'No Abstinence only Sex Ed'. Like the Challenge group, this one had dozens, maybe even hundreds of discussions. I can't remember how many people were in this group, but it was large.
Quite obviously, the people in this group feel that abstinence only sex ed should be banned. They claim it's inneffective, been foisted upon us all for way too long, George Bush is an idiot for throwing more money at the many 'religious' organizations that teach abstinence (I think many in this group are American) and anyone who supports abstinence only is backward, naive, and afflicted with ostrich syndrome. The members of this group hold that many studies uphold their position.

In order to say anything on the discussions, I would have had to become a member. This was a problem for me. I have always been a terrible practical joker. I just can't stand for someone to think I am tricking them, even for a split second. I can't even feign forgetfulness for a quick moment, just to see the look on my husbands face when he asks me if I remembered to pay the internet bill. In the same way, I couldn't abide with having anyone (especially my friends) think that I would support or be a part of such a group. Even if it was for a brief time until they messaged me to get the scoop. Or worse, that some friends who don't know me very well wouldn't ask, and just assume that I was a part of that group because I agree with it.

So, I decided to use my blog here instead. It won't get quite the same response. I doubt any of those anti-abstinencers would look here. But all the better. I'm really not a very good debater and don't care to get into it.

Besides, it's not so much the issue that prompted me to write here. Although, I was pleased to run across a study just today that blows their foundations out of the water, in my opinion.
(http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2007_docs/CompSexEd.pdf, by Dr. Stan Reed of the Institute for Research and Evaluation, Salt Lake City).

It was the tenor of the group. I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of that group, even if I did agree with their premise. What originally looked to be a group of intelligent, educated people, putting forth their mature opinions on an important social issue was actually not that at all. Unlike the Challenge group, the members of anti-abstinence were intolerant and derisive of any opinion posted that had even a scent of disagreement. Name calling and profanity-laced insults were common. Sarcasm filled monologues that did nothing to enlighten my apparently dull brain, but brow-beat me with peer-pressure tactics of humiliation.
The pictures posted were a collection of mocking cross-stitched statements completely unlike what you would expect to see sewed on a canvas with pretty flowers entwined. Rude bumper stickers, in your face political cartoons, mock-ups of 50's style advertisments with 21st century sentiments instead. These were the illustrations meaningful to this group.

I think what struck me the most though, was the attitude toward 'foreigners'. Whereas the Challenge members more or less embraced the questioners and engaged them in lively, earnest debate, these Anti-abstinenters completely lambasted posters who had even a slightly differing opinion. They held to very narrow views of what the 'opposition' apparently thought and took every opportunity to look down from this misconception.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm an agree-er.
(as well as a maker-up of silly english)
I would like to see everyone agree. One of the cliches I find most frustrating is 'You can't please all the people, all the time'. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as a pleaser. I know that it would seem that a world where everyone agrees would get pretty boring (however, I'm not sure I agree with that :-), I would still like to see it. And I believe that day will come.

Whether you agree with me, or not.

Improvement

A long while back, I posted this on my first blog, which I subsequently turned into a blog about my son and his condition. Allow me to paste it in....

I'm so Glad no one says retarded anymore....

Because I'm afraid that's what my son would get called.

No, now they say 'developmentally delayed'. I suppose that doesn't feel like a kick in the gut. But I thought of this yesterday--how when I was a kid, the word used was retarded.
I went to pick up Jairus from preschool and the cutest little girl kept saying 'bye' to him. Of course, Jairus didn't say anything back, didn't even really register any acknowledgement that anyone was speaking to him. Finally I asked the teacher what the little girls name was. I think it was Abby or something.

I said, "Jairus, Abby is saying bye to you".

He looked at Abby and went over and gave her a hug. Slightly embarrassed, I said,

"Oh, look, he's saying good-bye too".

The teacher said something about how nice that was. I don't think Abby concurred.
Then he spotted another little girl behind Abby and started towards her too. Now, you have to imagine this. My little boy tends to drool a little, has Harry Potter glasses that are always smudged, and wipes his nose all over his clothes. Not such a pretty picture. I think this other little girl concurred. Oh, the look on her face.

The teacher quickly said, 'Oh, Jairus, I don't think everyone wants a hug'. I pulled him away.

As we left, another little girl was leaving. Many kids were yelling out goodbyes as her and her mom walked out the door.

She waved.

I can't remember if this was a year ago or two years ago. It was when we were living in Brantford, for sure. So now Jairus--and Honour, go to a couple mornings of preschool at a co-op place near us. They really seem to enjoy it. When I pulled up today, the kids were outside, playing in the enclosed outdoors play area. I gathered them up with their paraphernalia and fastened them all into their seats.

I started to back out and ease my way across the parking lot to leave. A little boy in the same class and his grandma were just heading to their car. They passed along the right hand side of my van as I was inching along, wary of all the tiny ones around.

The little boy looked in the van and saw Jairus in his seat. He waved enthusiastically and yelled "Bye Jairus!".

I quickly turned to bring the little friend to Jairus' attention and instruct him to wave bye and perhaps try to say bye, too.

"Jairus, loo---", was barely out of my mouth before I realized that he was way ahead of me. He had already spotted his friend, and was waving back.

"Gye!" he hollered.

(Happy sigh)

Carolynn's Magic