So, there were families in my past that I observed and decided that homeschooling appeared to shape them in a way that I liked. There was a closeness in siblings that I liked. There was a sense of community and respect in the families. Some of it I can't put my finger on--but the way the parents related to kids, and vice versa was just...different. Maybe it was because the parents had more time to study and understand their kids.
There was alot of freedom in these families. Freedom to go off on a long trip or even a year long exchange without having to worry about what school the kids would go to. I remember reading an adventure blog of such a family a few years ago. I liked that.
When I was in high school, I became intensely interested in Creationism and Evolution. For a least a year or more I studied it at length, even choosing it as a presentation topic in my OAC (grade thirteen) Geography class (much to the dismay of my teacher, I'm sure, especially when I went twenty minutes over the twenty minute maximum time required).
There are alot of topics that Christian parents would probably rather their kids would just not know about. For me, evolution is one of those topics. But this is just not reasonable, nor is it wise! Our kids are not going to be able to stand strong in their faith if they are unaware of the attacks upon it. Instead of being scared of my children being exposed to the idea of evolution, I've realized that I can be the key influence on this topic. Instead of shying away from the history book that begins with "billions of years ago", I can balance this presentation with information from one of my creationism books.
Over the years I've seen many "wake up you parents" type articles that claim that _______ media source or ______ pop/movie star is influencing kids these days far more than their parents. ( *friends*, *music*, *movies*).
I am jealous for my childrens' attentions! I want my husband and I to be their prime influences. These were the things that I explored throughout my late teens and into my twenties, as I learned more about homeschooling.
Then, Jairus was born.
I didn't focus on much except his O2 sats, pumping every 3 hours and getting that piped into his little tummy for a very long time. Then at 1 year of age, speech therapy began. A couple years later, his therapists were recommending preschool so that he'd be around other talking children to boost his own speech. Looking back, I can't say that this goal was reached. It sounds logical, I'm sure SLP's would still recommend something like that, but Jairus doesn't 'not speak' for lack of exposure. Apraxia is a physical inability to coordinate the muscles to create speech. He has language, he has communication. Watching other people speak doesn't help worth a hill of beans. But of course, when he was 3 or 4 years old, we only had desperate hopes that what the therapists said would come true. In any case, I gave fleeting thought to my homeschool hopes at this time and decided that preschool was acceptable. He had a very fun couple of years at a place in Brantford and then one year at a co-op preschool in Hamilton, which Honour joined him for. She has fond memories of that, and screeches in delight every time we pass the church that it was held in. When she was tested at the end that year, the teachers confidently told me that Honour was completely ready for JK; she'd have NO problem. I smiled, thanked them, went home and ordered my first homeschool curriculum: Little Hands to Heaven.
Haha, no actually, I liked how that sounded so I just wanted to write it. I actually started homeschooling about halfway through that year. The preschool was only 1/2 days 2-3 days a week so on the off days, we would do 'school at home'.
I cleaned up the basement, stuck up some posters and laminated resources from my local ASKE, set up a table and we began homeschooling in February of 2007. I probably would have started sooner, but 2006 had us selling our Brantford house, buying our Hamilton house, moving, getting pregnant and then burying our son. I think I did pretty good to get started only a couple months after that.
It was lotsa fun, the Little Hands to Heaven program. My older three now each have a thick binder with dollar store report covers, stuffed full of all their finger painting, letter practice, number learning, cutting, pasting and macaroni creations that they love to pull out and look through. So proud they are of their homepreschool!
Homeschooling, Take Two
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
You may have noticed that I pulled my first homeschooling post. I realized over the last few days that it wasn't the start I wanted to make. It had been impulsive, stemming from emotion instead of a rational plan for what I still hope will be a series. It was also a mere straw in the haystack of our reasons for homeschooling--one that I'm not even sure should be considered in the light that I portrayed it in. I'll be honest, it was a knee-jerk reaction after viewing the video. I may repost it later, depending on whether it seems a suitable accompaniment to my homeschooling topics.
Another reason I took that post off was because I neglected a very important aspect of any discussion of homeschooling; essentially, a disclaimer.
I'm fond of Ann Voskamps way of putting it: "This is descriptive of our lives, not prescriptive for anyone else". Another blogger I read recently put it this way, "We know the path we are on is the path created for us -- we are no better or less than those who choose public or private school".
This is soo very important. I struggle with and question many aspects of my life...just like (I assume) you do. The last thing I have is it all figured out! However, I do often have an awesome feeling of contentment and peace that I'm doing what the Lord is requiring of me--especially since Jairus came home. My intentions for a series on homeschooling are the following:
I don't recall exactly which was my first exposure to homeschooling. I know when my mom decided to homeschool two of my now eight siblings (there weren't eight when she did that...I think only about five or six) it wasn't the first time I'd ever heard of it. I was...hmmm, at the end of highschool, working my interim year or starting Moody when my mom decided that one of my sisters and one of my brothers would be homeschooled for a bit. I believe it ended up being two years. I didn't have alot (hardly any, really) of hands on experience with this new endeavour. I was in my late teens and as I said, was finishing up my last year of highschool (the victory lap, I believe they call it now, grade thirteen), working my year at Subway Sandwiches, raising money to go to school, or beginning that first year of university in Chicago. I heard reports from my mom and saw some of the work being done here and there. I know that she was using a homeschooling "school" called G.R.A.C.E. I don't know if she ordered curriculum from them or what, but it was at the very least an association.
Around the same time, I met a family up at Fair Havens Bible Conference with a whole mess of kids they were homeschooling. They were an extremely lovely family and their kids (while not perfect, of course) were....somehow a little different. In a good way. It was my observation and conviction that homeschooling had something to do with this.
Over the next few years I took note of other homeschooling families. There was a often a common....difference in those families. I liked it. One family in particular was a very large one from Chicago. They attended the church James and I worked at and were a part of. They had at that time at least eight children, the littlest a baby and the oldest a preteen. One weekend they were going away and had lined up a series of babysitters to come out and tag team throughout the three days. James and I took one shift, as the family had a couple kids in my children's choir, so they were comfortable with us. I don't remember if we were married yet.
I have a vivid memory of sitting with the kids in a large family room. Their house was a perfectly massive older house with a second and probably even third floor and many, many rooms. High ceilings, classic decor; it was quite impressive. The room we were sitting in had likely originally been a parlour. There was an armoire over in one corner with a TV and VCR hidden inside and a collection of movies, but the kids weren't watching it. Instead, two or three of the boys were playing a game of some type--it might have been a board game, or just creative play with some small toys or action figures. They squabbled from time to time but generally played well with each other.
The oldest, the preteen girl arrived home from some activity--piano lesson or sports practice of some kind. The littlest remaining sibling, a sister probably around two years old was delighted to see her come home. She came running and jumped into her big sisters arms. They sat on the floor and for the next fifteen or so minutes, played. Like, just, played. With an elastic (rubber band for you Americans). The little one sat on her sisters lap and stretched the elastic over her hands and balanced it on her nose, pretended it was an earring and hooked it over the bigger girl's ear. The older girl was clearly content to spend fifteen minutes playing with her little sister, with nothing more entertaining than a thin piece of rubber.
A couple years later I was making a little extra money on campus by babysitting for the Married Students Fellowship. One day we had a gym activity time and took the kids over to Moody's athletic building, the Solheim Center. We had a few things planned, but ran out of activities before the parents were due to pick up their kids. Casting about for ideas, we headed up to the aerobics room, a large, spacious hardwood floored room with one wall of mirrors and mounted TV's for watching exercise videos. We popped in one to give the kids something to jump around to.
Now, you can imagine that Moody Bible Institute would not have in their exercise video collection anything objectionable. However, there are amongst us, those whose tastes are more stringent and sensitive than others. And those with such tastes would likely choose to allow different media options in their homes and to which to expose their children.
One little girl, probably about five or six took one look at the spandex-clad, perfectly proportioned aerobics models in the video and decided that this was not appropriate for her two younger brothers to be viewing. She quickly gathered these two boys to either side of her, turned her back to the TV and held her hands and arms around them in such a way that their eyes were shielded from the offending video. Then she appealed to me to shut it off, explaining that her parents would not want her or her brothers to see it.
In surprise, I marched over the VCR and hit the stop button. How could you argue with that?
I was deeply affected by this; I had never seen a child take such an action to protect her younger siblings before. The issue of the reasonableness of her actions, as obviously instilled by her parents aside, I was highly impressed that such a young one would be so concerned for the welfare of her brothers.
How do you raise kids with such awareness? Was homeschooling the key?
(to be continued :-)
Another reason I took that post off was because I neglected a very important aspect of any discussion of homeschooling; essentially, a disclaimer.
I'm fond of Ann Voskamps way of putting it: "This is descriptive of our lives, not prescriptive for anyone else". Another blogger I read recently put it this way, "We know the path we are on is the path created for us -- we are no better or less than those who choose public or private school".
This is soo very important. I struggle with and question many aspects of my life...just like (I assume) you do. The last thing I have is it all figured out! However, I do often have an awesome feeling of contentment and peace that I'm doing what the Lord is requiring of me--especially since Jairus came home. My intentions for a series on homeschooling are the following:
- To express my own feelings and thoughts on homeschooling and why we're doing it.
- To perhaps debunk a few myths about homeschooling.
- To gather some of the evidences I've run across in the past few years on the above two points, and give them a home here.
- To encourage someone thinking about homeschooling and give some basic information and instruction.
- To offer some practical ideas and advice on homeschooling, which would obviously be more for actual homeschoolers!
I don't recall exactly which was my first exposure to homeschooling. I know when my mom decided to homeschool two of my now eight siblings (there weren't eight when she did that...I think only about five or six) it wasn't the first time I'd ever heard of it. I was...hmmm, at the end of highschool, working my interim year or starting Moody when my mom decided that one of my sisters and one of my brothers would be homeschooled for a bit. I believe it ended up being two years. I didn't have alot (hardly any, really) of hands on experience with this new endeavour. I was in my late teens and as I said, was finishing up my last year of highschool (the victory lap, I believe they call it now, grade thirteen), working my year at Subway Sandwiches, raising money to go to school, or beginning that first year of university in Chicago. I heard reports from my mom and saw some of the work being done here and there. I know that she was using a homeschooling "school" called G.R.A.C.E. I don't know if she ordered curriculum from them or what, but it was at the very least an association.
Around the same time, I met a family up at Fair Havens Bible Conference with a whole mess of kids they were homeschooling. They were an extremely lovely family and their kids (while not perfect, of course) were....somehow a little different. In a good way. It was my observation and conviction that homeschooling had something to do with this.
Over the next few years I took note of other homeschooling families. There was a often a common....difference in those families. I liked it. One family in particular was a very large one from Chicago. They attended the church James and I worked at and were a part of. They had at that time at least eight children, the littlest a baby and the oldest a preteen. One weekend they were going away and had lined up a series of babysitters to come out and tag team throughout the three days. James and I took one shift, as the family had a couple kids in my children's choir, so they were comfortable with us. I don't remember if we were married yet.
I have a vivid memory of sitting with the kids in a large family room. Their house was a perfectly massive older house with a second and probably even third floor and many, many rooms. High ceilings, classic decor; it was quite impressive. The room we were sitting in had likely originally been a parlour. There was an armoire over in one corner with a TV and VCR hidden inside and a collection of movies, but the kids weren't watching it. Instead, two or three of the boys were playing a game of some type--it might have been a board game, or just creative play with some small toys or action figures. They squabbled from time to time but generally played well with each other.
The oldest, the preteen girl arrived home from some activity--piano lesson or sports practice of some kind. The littlest remaining sibling, a sister probably around two years old was delighted to see her come home. She came running and jumped into her big sisters arms. They sat on the floor and for the next fifteen or so minutes, played. Like, just, played. With an elastic (rubber band for you Americans). The little one sat on her sisters lap and stretched the elastic over her hands and balanced it on her nose, pretended it was an earring and hooked it over the bigger girl's ear. The older girl was clearly content to spend fifteen minutes playing with her little sister, with nothing more entertaining than a thin piece of rubber.
A couple years later I was making a little extra money on campus by babysitting for the Married Students Fellowship. One day we had a gym activity time and took the kids over to Moody's athletic building, the Solheim Center. We had a few things planned, but ran out of activities before the parents were due to pick up their kids. Casting about for ideas, we headed up to the aerobics room, a large, spacious hardwood floored room with one wall of mirrors and mounted TV's for watching exercise videos. We popped in one to give the kids something to jump around to.
Now, you can imagine that Moody Bible Institute would not have in their exercise video collection anything objectionable. However, there are amongst us, those whose tastes are more stringent and sensitive than others. And those with such tastes would likely choose to allow different media options in their homes and to which to expose their children.
One little girl, probably about five or six took one look at the spandex-clad, perfectly proportioned aerobics models in the video and decided that this was not appropriate for her two younger brothers to be viewing. She quickly gathered these two boys to either side of her, turned her back to the TV and held her hands and arms around them in such a way that their eyes were shielded from the offending video. Then she appealed to me to shut it off, explaining that her parents would not want her or her brothers to see it.
In surprise, I marched over the VCR and hit the stop button. How could you argue with that?
I was deeply affected by this; I had never seen a child take such an action to protect her younger siblings before. The issue of the reasonableness of her actions, as obviously instilled by her parents aside, I was highly impressed that such a young one would be so concerned for the welfare of her brothers.
How do you raise kids with such awareness? Was homeschooling the key?
(to be continued :-)
Verity's Turn
Friday, March 1, 2013
You may remember about a year and a half ago, give or take a month, I was excited to report on my eldest daughters foray into highland dancing. Well, now it's Verity's turn.
As I spoke of just a week or so ago, Verity has been training in gymnastics since she was three years old. Last year was a bit of a pill to swallow for her as she was training with a slightly older group of girls who were all of age to compete....but Verity was not. So she had to listen to the coaches constantly talking about competition etiquette, competition expectations, etc. Finally, she's old enough. She is entered in 3 competitions this season, one each month, the first one being today.
It was in Niagara Falls and being one of the littlest gymnasts, her registration time was 7:30am. Which meant we have to leave the house by 6:00am. Which meant we had to get up at 5:00am. Grooaaan.
It was all well and good though. Ever conscious of our budget, I made sandwiches and muffins last night after getting the kids into bed early. Which meant we got them into bed by their bedtime, [snort]. This was after having stopped for sponge curlers on the way home from teaching to put Verity's hair up because our clubs hairdo expectation involves copious curls. She's got her momma's fine hair, so curly she was this morning!
We actually got into Niagara Falls early so had plenty of time to bathroom everybody up, get registered, stamped and secure spots on the bleachers.
We quickly spotted some of Verity's teammates, and also 2 girls and a coach from her old gym. It was nice to see some familiar faces.
Then came the official 'march-in', with each team being announced and holding placards with their gym name. There were about a dozen gyms represented.
The kids all ran around and warmed up after this, and at 8:30 sharp, the events began. Verity was on beam first.
I've been really impressed with how much more polished Verity looks this year. Before this she never seemed to pay as much attention to her feet, or hands. When she 'presented', it always looked less....impressive than what I was used to seeing at gymnastics events on TV. Now she's got that little bit of showy.
Here she is starting her floor routine. We've seen alot of this the last couple weeks because her routine was to the theme song to 'The Fairy OddParents' (kids show). Every time it was on, she would jump to the floor.
Next was vault, which she was too fast to actually catch doing it. Here she is waiting for her turn.
I think she had fun. Maybe just a little.
Last was the bars. At first we were a little confused because all the girls did their practice runs, but Verity sat on the bench against the wall. It turned out that her coach had to adjust the bars. I guess she was the only one using the bars at that particular setting, so they let all the other girls go first, then shifted the bars for Verity.
This was actually her practice run. I was finding that trying to take pictures meant that I was missing the jist of each of her events. Photographing her warm up seemed to be a good way to get good pics and still watch her do her thing.
After this, she was done!
We all filed down the hall to the presentation room. With 43 girls in this "flight", it was alot of people to fit into a room not quite designed to fit that many. We didn't mind standing--after 4 hours of sitting on a hard bleacher, I was good with a change of position. We had to wait about 10-15 minutes for all the marks to be tallied.
I'm just starting to learn about the world of competitive gymnastics. Highland dance, I'm completely familiar with now. Gymnastics Ontario does things a little differently. In Highland dance, Honour started out in Beginner level. Within Beginner, they split the competitors into age groups. This means that Honour wouldn't be competing against a kid who was way older or younger than her, and had roughly the same amount of training as her. At a competition, there's typically 12-18 girls in her group. For each of four dances, they award 6 medals. The top three get a stamp on their dance card. Once they get 6 stamps, they move on to the next level (Novice, Intermediate, Premier). Still, she would be with those the same age as her, within the level.
In Gymnastics, Verity's coaches decided what level she should compete at a few months ago. We were pleased to find out it was level 3---we had figured she would begin at level 2. I believe that there are certain skill sets that once a gymnast has mastered, they move on to another level, so it's completely up to the discretion of the coach. As I said, there were 43 girls in her flight, all 7 years old, but 35 of them were in level 2. This meant that she was one of only 8 girls in her level. Thinking Highland dance, I figured this meant for sure she'd come home with a ribbon or medal, or whatever they were presenting.
That's not quite how it happened, but don't think I mean it was a negative thing. On one hand, I'm one of these parents who is somewhat opposed to kids being awarded for doing nothing of consequence. I think that when kids are rewarded for every little thing they do, this brings down the standard they are reaching for. On the other hand, I've agonized through a number of competitions with Honour now, when she has brought nothing home. Sure, it's good for kids to experience disappointment, but it's awful hard as parents to watch it, especially when they've worked hard.
Gymnastics Ontario however, has got a different system. If I'm understanding it correctly, each child is marked in each event they presented. That mark determines what standing they receive--I think the parameters of each medal standing is predetermined: Gold, Silver, Bronze and Merit. Once each of the four events are completed, the marks are added up, and an overall medal standing is awarded. This means that each child gets up on the podium and is presented their certificate with five stickers--one for each event, and the overall standing. A nice bonus today was that each gymnast got a medal as well--I was relieved for this, as Verity has watched big sister bring home numerous medals and I know she's wanted one too!
We watched all 35 girls from level 2 get up on the podiums and receive their certificates and medals. Then it was Verity's level.
Bronze!
She received Silver for Floor and Beam, Bronze for Bars and Merit for Vault. Honestly, I can't figure that Merit level out, as I thought she was amazing on that (and her coach seemed to think so too) so I might just ask next week if that seemed accurate, but overall, she was immensely pleased...as were we! A very good first gymnastics competition experience!
Shmallentines day
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
A year ago today....was one of the most miserable days of my life.
If you know me, and you're thinking back in history to a year ago, you might be thinking to yourself...miserable? Really, Leslie? You were moving into your dream house, out in the country, built to every specification you and your husband could imagine. Miserable?
Unfortunately, yes. A year ago today, and the two days previous to it saw me crying more tears than I thought I had. I cried while I packed. I cried while I cleaned. I remember the sound of my crying echoing against empty walls, and my tears dripping on the floor I'd just scrubbed. There is nothing more depressing than cleaning an empty house all by yourself, packing it all into a vehicle waiting to drive you into a nightmare.
Two days before closing day last year, we had discovered that our house was overbudget. Terribly, horribly, sickeningly overbudget. We had tradespeople waiting impatiently for their wages--tradepeople who had no compunction about suing us or putting a lien on our brand new house. James dealt daily with their ire, losing 45 pounds in the process.
We had a house that actually wasn't even completed. As we frantically clawed after further financing to pay these trades, we were turned down, even laughed at, by financial institutions. Because our house wasn't complete, no one would chance further financing. The house wouldn't be complete until we got further financing..and so this evil circle warped around us for one...two...three months....
I nearly didn't come home that night, a year ago today. I packed up that vehicle and considered driving to my parents instead. Or just finding a place to park and sleeping in the vehicle. It was a despair like nothing I'd ever known--and people have told me that I've dealt with some pretty hard things in life.
Finally, the house did get completed. The trades were paid off and ushered out of our lives forever. But not without considerable damage to our finances, our budget, our entire way of life. Like ripples in a pond, the repercussions continue to buffet us to this day.
I'd like to say that a year later, things are wonderful and sparkly. But sadly, I write this now because writing is cathartic for me...and I need a catharsis.
The worst of it is always the effect on children. They just don't understand. They don't understand why beloved activities need to be yanked out of their lives. They don't understand why the answer to every purchase request is 'we don't have the money'.
I watch videos like this one and I think, no, I know that I need to be thankful for the many blessings I have. But no matter how privileged my family and I might be, the stress of unpaid bills, cars breaking down that we need to get our workplaces and the gradual inability to buy needed schoolbooks is real. And causes anxiety to the point of physical illness that no one can downplay. Oh but I forgot, I'm not permitted to whine about our schoolbooks--because that's our choice to homeschool.
We're still looking for answers. We've become militant with our budget since last spring, and even more so the last few weeks. Recently we cut out a number of significant budget items. Verity had been receiving a specialized therapy for her learning disability diagnosed a year ago--this is now canceled. I got rid of my cell phone, completely. The only blessing of that action (other than saving the nearly 100$ a month for the plan) was that I was able to get rid of the plan through kijiji and not have to pay the penalty for breaking out of it. Within four hours from the time I decided to get rid of it, it was gone.
One of my homeschooling philosophies has been to have my kids enrolled in one physical activity and one musical activity. This has a number of reasons: the social advantages--yes, as much as I scoff that those who freak out about homeschooling because of the 'socialization' concern are overdoing it, there is a [very] small degree of merit there. As much as I love being at home with my kids, they need to see more than just my face. There's the obvious physical fitness part of it--and as much as people who don't homeschool spout off that going to a park or running around the backyard should suffice, it just doesn't cut it. A weekly lesson or practice that's been set up through a third party and paid for is the only way for me to responsibly ensure that my kids are getting their activity in. Then there's the discipline, perseverance, focus and attention to detail, just to mention a few other worthy character traits that such activities foster. And don't get me started on the advantages of musical instruction--that's my life.
I manage to get the music activity in with no expenditure (they attend the choir I conduct, and Afton attends the Musikgarten class I teach) and the nice thing is that the three olders go to choir at the same time. The sports was a little more challenging. Honour has been taking highland dance for an hour twice a week for about 2.5 years now. She was competing about once every 6-8 weeks. Afton was taking the same once a week for an hour, this was her second year. And then there's Verity. From very early on in her life, gymnastics seemed to ooze from her pores. She jumped, climbed, flipped and rolled everywhere she went once she started walking at 8 months old. I started her in a recreational program once a week when she was three. This progressed to trying out for the competitive program when she was about five. At the risk of sounding like a puffed up mom, it was pretty obvious in every class she took that gymnastics was her gift. Numerous parents of other gymnasts throughout the last five years have commented to us directly, or indirectly (not realizing Verity's parents were right behind them-sort-of-a-thing) that she has something special. When we moved to this area last year we transferred her to a closer gym and in the fall they upped her training program from four hours a week to 10. We had been applying for Jumpstart funding through Canadian Tire and had been successfully receiving that; we transferred that funding to Haldimand county last year as well. We received enough to pay for 2.5 months per year (she trains year round). In the fall when we felt she needed to begin the educational therapy, I spoke to the gym about cutting back on her training, both for the financial and scheduling considerations. They were adamant that she was in the program best suited for her needs. Instead they suggested I apply for in-club funding, which I did, and we were awarded. It pays for about 1/3 of her monthly costs.
All this is to say that two weeks ago we realized that we had no other option; the sports had to go. It was easy enough to email the girls dance teacher and explain the situation--she was very sympathetic, and I left the door open by saying that we had to 'take a break'. This is what I told the girls as well....I couldn't bear to say they were quitting forever...and besides, I really don't know that, right?
The gymnastics is another issue. We had just put out $300 for her competitive uniforms and the gym averages the cost of the competitions into the monthly fees. This meant that Verity's 3 upcoming competitions (her very first 'real' meets she's ever had) were at least partially paid for....and if they weren't we would still be on the hook for paying for them, whether or not she went to them. We managed to get this months fees paid, but as of right now, it will take something close to a minor miracle to find the money for next month. I'm fully expecting that when this season is done (she'd have a brief break in June before the summer session would start) we will with extremely heavy hearts be pulling her out.
And that is all. My kids don't run around to 5 different activities every day. We've cut everything out that there is to cut.
All these cuts have been painful, and the last is no exception. We contacted about half of our charitable giving recipients and sadly notified them that we were no longer in a position to support them.
Over the past year we've considered a number of ways to bring in more income.
A year ago today....was one of the most miserable days of my life.
If you know me, and you're thinking back in history to a year ago, you might be thinking to yourself...miserable? Really, Leslie? You were moving into your dream house, out in the country, built to every specification you and your husband could imagine. Miserable?
Unfortunately, yes. A year ago today, and the two days previous to it saw me crying more tears than I thought I had. I cried while I packed. I cried while I cleaned. I remember the sound of my crying echoing against empty walls, and my tears dripping on the floor I'd just scrubbed. There is nothing more depressing than cleaning an empty house all by yourself, packing it all into a vehicle waiting to drive you into a nightmare.
Two days before closing day last year, we had discovered that our house was overbudget. Terribly, horribly, sickeningly overbudget. We had tradespeople waiting impatiently for their wages--tradepeople who had no compunction about suing us or putting a lien on our brand new house. James dealt daily with their ire, losing 45 pounds in the process.
We had a house that actually wasn't even completed. As we frantically clawed after further financing to pay these trades, we were turned down, even laughed at, by financial institutions. Because our house wasn't complete, no one would chance further financing. The house wouldn't be complete until we got further financing..and so this evil circle warped around us for one...two...three months....
I nearly didn't come home that night, a year ago today. I packed up that vehicle and considered driving to my parents instead. Or just finding a place to park and sleeping in the vehicle. It was a despair like nothing I'd ever known--and people have told me that I've dealt with some pretty hard things in life.
Finally, the house did get completed. The trades were paid off and ushered out of our lives forever. But not without considerable damage to our finances, our budget, our entire way of life. Like ripples in a pond, the repercussions continue to buffet us to this day.
I'd like to say that a year later, things are wonderful and sparkly. But sadly, I write this now because writing is cathartic for me...and I need a catharsis.
The worst of it is always the effect on children. They just don't understand. They don't understand why beloved activities need to be yanked out of their lives. They don't understand why the answer to every purchase request is 'we don't have the money'.
I watch videos like this one and I think, no, I know that I need to be thankful for the many blessings I have. But no matter how privileged my family and I might be, the stress of unpaid bills, cars breaking down that we need to get our workplaces and the gradual inability to buy needed schoolbooks is real. And causes anxiety to the point of physical illness that no one can downplay. Oh but I forgot, I'm not permitted to whine about our schoolbooks--because that's our choice to homeschool.
We're still looking for answers. We've become militant with our budget since last spring, and even more so the last few weeks. Recently we cut out a number of significant budget items. Verity had been receiving a specialized therapy for her learning disability diagnosed a year ago--this is now canceled. I got rid of my cell phone, completely. The only blessing of that action (other than saving the nearly 100$ a month for the plan) was that I was able to get rid of the plan through kijiji and not have to pay the penalty for breaking out of it. Within four hours from the time I decided to get rid of it, it was gone.
One of my homeschooling philosophies has been to have my kids enrolled in one physical activity and one musical activity. This has a number of reasons: the social advantages--yes, as much as I scoff that those who freak out about homeschooling because of the 'socialization' concern are overdoing it, there is a [very] small degree of merit there. As much as I love being at home with my kids, they need to see more than just my face. There's the obvious physical fitness part of it--and as much as people who don't homeschool spout off that going to a park or running around the backyard should suffice, it just doesn't cut it. A weekly lesson or practice that's been set up through a third party and paid for is the only way for me to responsibly ensure that my kids are getting their activity in. Then there's the discipline, perseverance, focus and attention to detail, just to mention a few other worthy character traits that such activities foster. And don't get me started on the advantages of musical instruction--that's my life.
I manage to get the music activity in with no expenditure (they attend the choir I conduct, and Afton attends the Musikgarten class I teach) and the nice thing is that the three olders go to choir at the same time. The sports was a little more challenging. Honour has been taking highland dance for an hour twice a week for about 2.5 years now. She was competing about once every 6-8 weeks. Afton was taking the same once a week for an hour, this was her second year. And then there's Verity. From very early on in her life, gymnastics seemed to ooze from her pores. She jumped, climbed, flipped and rolled everywhere she went once she started walking at 8 months old. I started her in a recreational program once a week when she was three. This progressed to trying out for the competitive program when she was about five. At the risk of sounding like a puffed up mom, it was pretty obvious in every class she took that gymnastics was her gift. Numerous parents of other gymnasts throughout the last five years have commented to us directly, or indirectly (not realizing Verity's parents were right behind them-sort-of-a-thing) that she has something special. When we moved to this area last year we transferred her to a closer gym and in the fall they upped her training program from four hours a week to 10. We had been applying for Jumpstart funding through Canadian Tire and had been successfully receiving that; we transferred that funding to Haldimand county last year as well. We received enough to pay for 2.5 months per year (she trains year round). In the fall when we felt she needed to begin the educational therapy, I spoke to the gym about cutting back on her training, both for the financial and scheduling considerations. They were adamant that she was in the program best suited for her needs. Instead they suggested I apply for in-club funding, which I did, and we were awarded. It pays for about 1/3 of her monthly costs.
All this is to say that two weeks ago we realized that we had no other option; the sports had to go. It was easy enough to email the girls dance teacher and explain the situation--she was very sympathetic, and I left the door open by saying that we had to 'take a break'. This is what I told the girls as well....I couldn't bear to say they were quitting forever...and besides, I really don't know that, right?
The gymnastics is another issue. We had just put out $300 for her competitive uniforms and the gym averages the cost of the competitions into the monthly fees. This meant that Verity's 3 upcoming competitions (her very first 'real' meets she's ever had) were at least partially paid for....and if they weren't we would still be on the hook for paying for them, whether or not she went to them. We managed to get this months fees paid, but as of right now, it will take something close to a minor miracle to find the money for next month. I'm fully expecting that when this season is done (she'd have a brief break in June before the summer session would start) we will with extremely heavy hearts be pulling her out.
And that is all. My kids don't run around to 5 different activities every day. We've cut everything out that there is to cut.
All these cuts have been painful, and the last is no exception. We contacted about half of our charitable giving recipients and sadly notified them that we were no longer in a position to support them.
Over the past year we've considered a number of ways to bring in more income.
- Putting the kids in school and me getting a job. There are many reasons that this is not feasible, one being the amount of money I'd bring home after day care/after school care costs and the expenses of getting to a job (it's been proven that the more formal wardrobe, more eating out and a number of other costs cut into a working moms salary significantly) would make my take home insignificant. Another is that we just took Jairus out of school because they can't provide an education for him. This has not changed. A third is...it's not worth it. My house is not worth it. (yes, you read right!) I would rather be home with my kids and lose this house, rather than be away from them all day. Twenty years from now, my kids will remember the time I spent with them, not how nice their house was.
- Worm farming: Ahem. Yes. Indeed! We are, farmers. James has been spearheading this so I can't give all the income forecasts for this venture, but I'm praying it does work out.
- Taking in a boarder/international student. We advertised throughout the summer to no avail. I think the issue is that we are too far out in the country and an international student would need a vehicle...which international students do not usually have.....
- Building an apartment in the basement and renting it out. We even went as far as mapping out the basement for where we would place the rooms. The upfront cost of building the apartment though, would be fairly significant. We'd have to borrow (on top of the incredible debt we already carry). That thought causes me to break out in hives.
- Daycare. I considered it. End of story.
- Solar panels: We've been in a limbo of the application process for many months. It will happen sometime....however since we're going with a program that doesn't require the host house to pay up front for the installation of said panels, the monthly income from this will be small. But helpful.
- More music teaching for me: Done, and done. I started teaching last fall with a new studio down the road (handy) and a few weeks ago upped it to two nights a week. I was already teaching one night a week in Hamilton at West Highland Academy of Music. This plus my choir on Mondays means I'm teaching 4 nights a week and Saturday mornings. I refuse to teach Friday nights as that's been established as family night for a while now.
- A weekend job for James: He's considered this a few times now, even the likes of delivering flyers or newspapers. The problem we encounter is that his recording business is so inconsistent that he couldn't take on a steady weekend job or else have to turn down recording jobs. Since the long term goal of the JKSS is to take it full time, it shoots him in the foot to turn down recording jobs at this stage.
- The room rental thing is back: We might possibly be eligible for a program that provides rooms for medical students when they are out doing an internship. It looks like a great opportunity, but I don't want to count my chickens.
I'm currently sourcing out budgeting programs to see if switching from Mvelopes might be more effective. I do love my Mvelopes, but there could definitely be some improvements to be had in our day to day budgeting. Right now YNAB (You need a budget) is looking like something good to try.
If none of this works, we will sadly be putting our house on the market, or looking for a renter. :-( The next few months will tell us.
"Back in the saddle again..."
Sunday, November 25, 2012
(This post was written in late September. Jus' sayin')
That song seems to apply to just so many different situations. :-)
It's quite astounding to me, the number of homeschoolers that blog. Take Ann Voskamp, for instance, one of my favourite blogs...that I perhaps get a chance to read once a week. She pretty much blogs everyday, on top of homeschooling her 6 (I think technically 5 at this time, as one has gone off to highschool, I read) children, and generally accomplishing that old world position of homemaker. As you can see from how many posts I have....I've not managed to carve out daily blogging time. Add that to my list!
We've now accomplished nearly two weeks of homeschooling. It's amazing what a change having Jairus at home has been. Not saying bad change, just change. Overall, our lives are looking significantly different than they did in June. I'm liking it.
Back in the summer I made a few changes that has carried into the fall and assisted in our new way of life. I didn't make these changes with any far reaching prophetic knowledge of how they would benefit us--oh no, don't be thinking I have such wondrous foresight.
One was an idea I had been trying to accomplish for months, probably years. I had this philosophical thunderbolt a while back about laundry. I think it's just positively ironic that 100 years ago we had to wash clothes by hand. So that meant we all only had 2-3 outfits each, unless you were rich and had a maid to wash your clothes. So then 50 years (or so) later, we developed the washing machine. Now it didn't take so long to wash our clothes! Glory be! Perhaps the washer accomplished it's goal for a few years...but slowly, as clothes got cheaper I would imagine, our wardrobes got larger...and larger...until now it takes just as long to wash all our clothes, as it used to take 'us' 100 years ago to wash 2-3 outfits. So what have we accomplished, exactly?
All this to say, I decided that my children had too many clothes. Yes, you read right! I was sick to death of mountains (literally) of laundry up to my waist. When my older kids were just tiny, I did have a bit of a schedule that one day a week was my laundry day. At that point we all had enough clothes that it only took a days worth of having the washer going to get it all done. As we added kids to the family, and all those kids got older, the one-day-a-week laundry day plan was not working. A couple years ago I was blessed with the services of Christina McCarthy, home manager coach extraordinaire and one of her suggestions was basically to do laundry everyday. At least a load from beginning to end.
On top of this, after we moved I finally managed to cut down the children's clothing. I had actually done this before, but I had made the mistake of not cutting the clothing back enough. I would still leave 10 to 12 or maybe 14 outfits---I'll admit, I was scared. What if I cut back on clothing and then couldn't keep up with even that? But it's worked out great.
I limited the kids to 7 outfits only. I took each kid at a time and laid all their clothes out. Even if they weren't all clean (which had been my excuse for a long time not to do this), I laid them out along the couch and had the kids each pick out 7 shirts, 7 pairs of shorts, 5-6 sets of pjamas and then varying amounts of other items like skirts, dresses or pants. (For the summer I have them leave out 2 pairs of pants for camping and cool August evenings). It was positively shameful how many shirts most of the girls had! I think Afton had nearly 30 t-shirts!!
This has been an absolutely freeing feeling and laundry is now a breeze. It also helps that my laundry is now on the second floor. I highly recommend laundry facilities near the bedrooms. Every morning after I make my bed, I go around and gather out enough laundry for a load out of the kids baskets. The girls have a large sorter (Ikea) in their room, while Jairus just has a small basket, as do James and I. No more do my dirty laundry baskets heap as tall as my youngest child (a rather tall girl). And while I haven't found a better time yet to get it folded (evenings after the kids are in bed) I actually don't mind sitting down with a couple baskets of laundry while Bones plays on Netflix.
But enough of laundry. This wasn't supposed to be a laundry post.
Another change we made this summer was fairly significant. When we finished up all our activities in June, we were running around with the children, work and other events pretty much every night of the week. I'm very mindful of our state of busyness and do try to keep an eye out, as best I can, for ways to streamline our activities so that we actually have time at home as a family. Dr. Kevin Leaman and his gerbil book weigh heavily on my mind. The whole 'supper as a family' thing was also something that was happening less and less.
This year is not much better. On Mondays I teach choir, which now includes my oldest three. Last year I was teaching a private student right after, which so far hasn't started back up yet, but then shortly after I would head off to the church for praise and worship practice. It often meant James would come pick up the kids after choir, and I would not go home until after practice. I try to have something in the slow cooker.
Tuesdays Verity has gymnastics at 5. I drop her off early so that I can get over to the west mountain for Honour and Afton's highland dance classes. I've started teaching with a school of music close to our house, so now James meets me and I take off to do that. So far I only have 2-3 students, so I get home at a reasonable hour, but Verity isn't done gymnastics until 8, so we've been ending up waiting to eat until then, since James doesn't get back with the other kids until after 7:30 anyways. Again I try to have something made in the afternoon and ready--although this past week I was home just past seven and had a glorious hour or so with the house to myself to leisurely prepare supper, as James went to get Verity straight from dance. I even put on Mad about you while I was cooking!
Wednesday is more gymnastics for Verity (she's training 10 hours a week), but she starts earlier in the day, at 2pm. We make Wednesdays our library day and go there either before or after we drop her off. Honour has another hour of dance on Wednesdays so the other kids and I take her there, again meeting James. One of us goes off to pick up Verity, who is finished at the gym before Honour is done at dance. We get home at a decent hour to actually eat supper together.
Thursdays bring Verity's final day of gymnastics for the week, from 3:30 to 6:30. We drop her off and usually head back home. James actually gets to come straight home, but I leave shortly after he arrives, to go teach at my other school of music job. Again, I only have 3 students so far, so I'm home in time to read stories to the kids before bed, but usually don't eat supper until they are all tucked in.
Friday's is our one 'free' day, although right now I still have 2 private students in the city in the late afternoon. I want to switch them to another day when I'm already in town--I'm thinking about Wednesday. We also still need to schedule Jairus' speech therapy and academic coaching, which we'll likely be alternating every week. (Hey....now that's a good idea.....perhaps I can schedule them at the same time each week...then it's just a matter or remembering which one to go to, lol).
Saturday mornings is Musikgarten class for me, although sadly I didn't get enough students to run a toddler class. Small blessing however, to not have to get us all up and out the door for 9am.
So this brings me back to our other significant change. I decided that if we couldn't always eat supper together, we would eat breakfast. I think it's a brilliant idea, if I do say so myself. The only problem is that sometimes James has to be into work reeeeally early. Usually he has to the leave the house by 7:30 or 7:45 at the lastest. Sometimes though, he has to be into work much earlier, like 7 or even 6:30. On those days, I have to say, I don't drag us all out of bed before the sun just so we can eat together.
I also made this change though because I've always wanted to have my family eat breakfast together. James' family often did this when I first met him and I thought it was so nice. Another reason was because we seemed to be spending a horrid amount of money on cereal that my children largely wasted. Day after day I would scrape soggy bowls of cereal into the garbage and ooooh, it made my blood burn. I decided that the only way to put a stop to this would be for us to eat all together. I surmised that it could or would be cheaper too, since cereal is so expensive.
Well, that didn't turn out to be so much the case. I started searching out and planning easy, interesting and yet (I hoped) inexpensive breakfasts. I started just a few times a week early in the summer and we had things like pancakes, oatmeal with different yummy additives like blueberries, apples and cinnamon, raisins and spices, muffins and fruit salad, perhaps bacon and eggs once in a while.
I was pretty shocked at how much our grocery bill went up. At the same time, I started planning our lunches too....soon that led to planning snacks as well. I was just tired of coming into the kitchen at lunch and scrounging for lunch ingredients. Peanut butter and jam sandwiches were just entirely too common. (not that two of my kids ever complained about that).
My budget had been 225$ every two weeks, but I had jumped that up to $250 soon after we moved (no correlation, just time for a bump up--plus rising costs of food). With the new comprehensive plan of pretty much every single meal and snack, our food budget was well over $300. I was horrified. I spent time with my receipts and figured out what each meal was costing. According to our budget, I could spend $7.61 for each meal. This worked out to $1.26 per person, per meal. (Does that not sound crazy cheap?) My breakfasts, however, were coming out to 10-15$ for each meal. At first I was outraged. At who, I don't know. Grocery stores? Sigh. After my anger simmered down though, I decided that the only way to fix this was to plan cheaper meals, specially the breakfasts. I visited the 5$ dinner lady's site (although I find that I can never make the meals for quite as cheap as her--figured it was better than nothing), and started tracking the cost of breakfasts so I could pick the cheaper ones (pancakes is el cheapo) and only do the more expensive ones when there are sales. I've not been completely successful yet--my food budget is still getting blown every week, but I think I've reached the point where I just can't feed my family for much cheaper.
I'm happy with how our new breakfast plan has been working. We also eat more fruit because I plan it into each breakfast. This morning was an especially fun one--I made some peanut butter banana muffins (from $5 dinner lady) and some fruit kebobs. The kids wuffed these down! (ok, some kids traded fruits they didn't like). It was pretty easy to pull all together too. It's meant I've had to face one of my laziest fears--getting up early. I'm finding that really, I have to be up by 6:30 to have something ready in time for James to leave for work. But what I love is that we are all done eating by 7:45, leaving us plenty of time to get dressed (if the kids aren't already--they're supposed to be dressed to come down to breakfast), make beds, tidy rooms, highland dance or piano practice, put laundry on, do some chores, or whatever else we never have time for!
I knuckled down and got our chores back online. (not...really...online). We had a good schedule a couple years ago, which also included Dave Ramsey inspired commission payments for said chores, but somehow we fell out of it. Now I have a schedule up in the pantry with the dishwasher jobs (dishwasher unloading split into three parts, one kid gets a freebie day), daily 'big' chore and supper chores (setting table, clearing, wiping down table and chairs, etc). We started back into commissions by paying a quarter each day that all the chores were completed. (this is a raise from a dime 2 years ago), and we're trying to give it immediately, as my youngers really need the feedback right after the accomplishment.
This is our fall so far!
That song seems to apply to just so many different situations. :-)
It's quite astounding to me, the number of homeschoolers that blog. Take Ann Voskamp, for instance, one of my favourite blogs...that I perhaps get a chance to read once a week. She pretty much blogs everyday, on top of homeschooling her 6 (I think technically 5 at this time, as one has gone off to highschool, I read) children, and generally accomplishing that old world position of homemaker. As you can see from how many posts I have....I've not managed to carve out daily blogging time. Add that to my list!
We've now accomplished nearly two weeks of homeschooling. It's amazing what a change having Jairus at home has been. Not saying bad change, just change. Overall, our lives are looking significantly different than they did in June. I'm liking it.
Back in the summer I made a few changes that has carried into the fall and assisted in our new way of life. I didn't make these changes with any far reaching prophetic knowledge of how they would benefit us--oh no, don't be thinking I have such wondrous foresight.
One was an idea I had been trying to accomplish for months, probably years. I had this philosophical thunderbolt a while back about laundry. I think it's just positively ironic that 100 years ago we had to wash clothes by hand. So that meant we all only had 2-3 outfits each, unless you were rich and had a maid to wash your clothes. So then 50 years (or so) later, we developed the washing machine. Now it didn't take so long to wash our clothes! Glory be! Perhaps the washer accomplished it's goal for a few years...but slowly, as clothes got cheaper I would imagine, our wardrobes got larger...and larger...until now it takes just as long to wash all our clothes, as it used to take 'us' 100 years ago to wash 2-3 outfits. So what have we accomplished, exactly?
All this to say, I decided that my children had too many clothes. Yes, you read right! I was sick to death of mountains (literally) of laundry up to my waist. When my older kids were just tiny, I did have a bit of a schedule that one day a week was my laundry day. At that point we all had enough clothes that it only took a days worth of having the washer going to get it all done. As we added kids to the family, and all those kids got older, the one-day-a-week laundry day plan was not working. A couple years ago I was blessed with the services of Christina McCarthy, home manager coach extraordinaire and one of her suggestions was basically to do laundry everyday. At least a load from beginning to end.
On top of this, after we moved I finally managed to cut down the children's clothing. I had actually done this before, but I had made the mistake of not cutting the clothing back enough. I would still leave 10 to 12 or maybe 14 outfits---I'll admit, I was scared. What if I cut back on clothing and then couldn't keep up with even that? But it's worked out great.
I limited the kids to 7 outfits only. I took each kid at a time and laid all their clothes out. Even if they weren't all clean (which had been my excuse for a long time not to do this), I laid them out along the couch and had the kids each pick out 7 shirts, 7 pairs of shorts, 5-6 sets of pjamas and then varying amounts of other items like skirts, dresses or pants. (For the summer I have them leave out 2 pairs of pants for camping and cool August evenings). It was positively shameful how many shirts most of the girls had! I think Afton had nearly 30 t-shirts!!
This has been an absolutely freeing feeling and laundry is now a breeze. It also helps that my laundry is now on the second floor. I highly recommend laundry facilities near the bedrooms. Every morning after I make my bed, I go around and gather out enough laundry for a load out of the kids baskets. The girls have a large sorter (Ikea) in their room, while Jairus just has a small basket, as do James and I. No more do my dirty laundry baskets heap as tall as my youngest child (a rather tall girl). And while I haven't found a better time yet to get it folded (evenings after the kids are in bed) I actually don't mind sitting down with a couple baskets of laundry while Bones plays on Netflix.
But enough of laundry. This wasn't supposed to be a laundry post.
Another change we made this summer was fairly significant. When we finished up all our activities in June, we were running around with the children, work and other events pretty much every night of the week. I'm very mindful of our state of busyness and do try to keep an eye out, as best I can, for ways to streamline our activities so that we actually have time at home as a family. Dr. Kevin Leaman and his gerbil book weigh heavily on my mind. The whole 'supper as a family' thing was also something that was happening less and less.
This year is not much better. On Mondays I teach choir, which now includes my oldest three. Last year I was teaching a private student right after, which so far hasn't started back up yet, but then shortly after I would head off to the church for praise and worship practice. It often meant James would come pick up the kids after choir, and I would not go home until after practice. I try to have something in the slow cooker.
Tuesdays Verity has gymnastics at 5. I drop her off early so that I can get over to the west mountain for Honour and Afton's highland dance classes. I've started teaching with a school of music close to our house, so now James meets me and I take off to do that. So far I only have 2-3 students, so I get home at a reasonable hour, but Verity isn't done gymnastics until 8, so we've been ending up waiting to eat until then, since James doesn't get back with the other kids until after 7:30 anyways. Again I try to have something made in the afternoon and ready--although this past week I was home just past seven and had a glorious hour or so with the house to myself to leisurely prepare supper, as James went to get Verity straight from dance. I even put on Mad about you while I was cooking!
Wednesday is more gymnastics for Verity (she's training 10 hours a week), but she starts earlier in the day, at 2pm. We make Wednesdays our library day and go there either before or after we drop her off. Honour has another hour of dance on Wednesdays so the other kids and I take her there, again meeting James. One of us goes off to pick up Verity, who is finished at the gym before Honour is done at dance. We get home at a decent hour to actually eat supper together.
Thursdays bring Verity's final day of gymnastics for the week, from 3:30 to 6:30. We drop her off and usually head back home. James actually gets to come straight home, but I leave shortly after he arrives, to go teach at my other school of music job. Again, I only have 3 students so far, so I'm home in time to read stories to the kids before bed, but usually don't eat supper until they are all tucked in.
Friday's is our one 'free' day, although right now I still have 2 private students in the city in the late afternoon. I want to switch them to another day when I'm already in town--I'm thinking about Wednesday. We also still need to schedule Jairus' speech therapy and academic coaching, which we'll likely be alternating every week. (Hey....now that's a good idea.....perhaps I can schedule them at the same time each week...then it's just a matter or remembering which one to go to, lol).
Saturday mornings is Musikgarten class for me, although sadly I didn't get enough students to run a toddler class. Small blessing however, to not have to get us all up and out the door for 9am.
So this brings me back to our other significant change. I decided that if we couldn't always eat supper together, we would eat breakfast. I think it's a brilliant idea, if I do say so myself. The only problem is that sometimes James has to be into work reeeeally early. Usually he has to the leave the house by 7:30 or 7:45 at the lastest. Sometimes though, he has to be into work much earlier, like 7 or even 6:30. On those days, I have to say, I don't drag us all out of bed before the sun just so we can eat together.
I also made this change though because I've always wanted to have my family eat breakfast together. James' family often did this when I first met him and I thought it was so nice. Another reason was because we seemed to be spending a horrid amount of money on cereal that my children largely wasted. Day after day I would scrape soggy bowls of cereal into the garbage and ooooh, it made my blood burn. I decided that the only way to put a stop to this would be for us to eat all together. I surmised that it could or would be cheaper too, since cereal is so expensive.
Well, that didn't turn out to be so much the case. I started searching out and planning easy, interesting and yet (I hoped) inexpensive breakfasts. I started just a few times a week early in the summer and we had things like pancakes, oatmeal with different yummy additives like blueberries, apples and cinnamon, raisins and spices, muffins and fruit salad, perhaps bacon and eggs once in a while.
I was pretty shocked at how much our grocery bill went up. At the same time, I started planning our lunches too....soon that led to planning snacks as well. I was just tired of coming into the kitchen at lunch and scrounging for lunch ingredients. Peanut butter and jam sandwiches were just entirely too common. (not that two of my kids ever complained about that).
My budget had been 225$ every two weeks, but I had jumped that up to $250 soon after we moved (no correlation, just time for a bump up--plus rising costs of food). With the new comprehensive plan of pretty much every single meal and snack, our food budget was well over $300. I was horrified. I spent time with my receipts and figured out what each meal was costing. According to our budget, I could spend $7.61 for each meal. This worked out to $1.26 per person, per meal. (Does that not sound crazy cheap?) My breakfasts, however, were coming out to 10-15$ for each meal. At first I was outraged. At who, I don't know. Grocery stores? Sigh. After my anger simmered down though, I decided that the only way to fix this was to plan cheaper meals, specially the breakfasts. I visited the 5$ dinner lady's site (although I find that I can never make the meals for quite as cheap as her--figured it was better than nothing), and started tracking the cost of breakfasts so I could pick the cheaper ones (pancakes is el cheapo) and only do the more expensive ones when there are sales. I've not been completely successful yet--my food budget is still getting blown every week, but I think I've reached the point where I just can't feed my family for much cheaper.
I'm happy with how our new breakfast plan has been working. We also eat more fruit because I plan it into each breakfast. This morning was an especially fun one--I made some peanut butter banana muffins (from $5 dinner lady) and some fruit kebobs. The kids wuffed these down! (ok, some kids traded fruits they didn't like). It was pretty easy to pull all together too. It's meant I've had to face one of my laziest fears--getting up early. I'm finding that really, I have to be up by 6:30 to have something ready in time for James to leave for work. But what I love is that we are all done eating by 7:45, leaving us plenty of time to get dressed (if the kids aren't already--they're supposed to be dressed to come down to breakfast), make beds, tidy rooms, highland dance or piano practice, put laundry on, do some chores, or whatever else we never have time for!
I knuckled down and got our chores back online. (not...really...online). We had a good schedule a couple years ago, which also included Dave Ramsey inspired commission payments for said chores, but somehow we fell out of it. Now I have a schedule up in the pantry with the dishwasher jobs (dishwasher unloading split into three parts, one kid gets a freebie day), daily 'big' chore and supper chores (setting table, clearing, wiping down table and chairs, etc). We started back into commissions by paying a quarter each day that all the chores were completed. (this is a raise from a dime 2 years ago), and we're trying to give it immediately, as my youngers really need the feedback right after the accomplishment.
This is our fall so far!
The end is near
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Last week I sent a number of letters out; letters to the principal, to his teacher, to his past teachers and EA's, and everyone else that has worked with Jairus. I sent a letter to the board as well, as I figured I needed to.
I thanked everyone profusely for everything they've done for Jairus these past 3.5 years. There was another important group of people I needed to talk to however....
I was surprisingly nervous to go into Jairus' class today. I had arranged it with his teacher, that I would come in and speak to the class for a few minutes. She arranged that Jairus would go out with his EA for that time. It all went off without a hitch; Jairus had no idea we were there. I felt strongly that Jairus' friends needed to be told that he would not be there in the fall. Like I said in my last post, he's been part of a really amazing group of friends that I have been very thankful for.
This is what I said to them.
Hello Everyone! Thanks for letting me come for a little visit. I have a couple very important things I want to tell you.
Jairus has been coming to this school for 3.5 years. Some of you might even have been in the class he started in, grade one. And some of you might have gone on to grade two, grade three and now this grade four class with Jairus. Well I'm going to tell you a secret. When Mr. Kent and I decided to put Jairus in school, I was pretty scared to bring him. I think you probably know why I was scared. Because Jairus is different, I was scared that he would not be accepted. I had seen before in his life, that some kids were very friendly to him....and some kids were not.
It only took a week or two for me to find out that you all were a very friendly group of kids. I was so happy and pleased to see that you accepted Jairus. You made all my fears go away! And whenever I saw you guys helping Jairus and being nice to him, it just made my heart sing. I'm not your mom, but I have been so proud of you all! You have learned a life lesson that even alot of grown-ups have not figured out yet! You have learned how to treat someone who is different with honour, respect and compassion. I wish I had certificates to give you all, to show that you have learned this very important lesson; of how to love one another. I hope that you can take that with you wherever you go for the rest of your life, because it's so important.
Now I have to tell you something confidential. You might know what confidential means, especially if you watch spy movies. There's always something that needs to be kept confidential in a spy movie. It's a little bit like a secret, but something that is confidential is being kept a secret for a very important reason. And it's not really a secret; it's just information that you need to know, but not everyone needs to know. Kind of like your doctors records. They are for you and your parents to see, but they are private and not everyone should be able to see them. Or your report card. You take that home for your parents to see, but you might not have shown your friends. It's private. It's confidential.
But this confidential information is only to be kept confidential from one person: Jairus.
When you come back to school in the fall, Jairus will not be there.
Now, this is to be kept confidential because if I told Jairus right now that he wasn't coming back to this school in the fall, he would be very upset. He would be confused, and he might not understand. Even worse, by the end of the summer, he might forget! Then I'd have to tell him all over again, and he would get upset all over again. I don't think there are any mommies out there that want to make their little boys upset two times for the same thing!
You all have often treated Jairus like he is your little brother. You know why that is---because sometimes Jairus needs extra help. And just like you are protective of your little brother, I want you to protect Jairus from being upset and confused.
I wanted to come tell you this because you have all been such good friends to Jairus, that I didn't think it would be fair to you all if you came back in September and he just wasn't there. I wanted you to know that when you say goodbye to him tomorrow, it will not just be for the summer. Now, when you say goodbye, don't go overboard. If you're all "Oooh, Jairus, I'm going to miss you sooo much", he's going to think..(funny face from me) "hmmm....somethings up". Because Jairus might not be able to say much, but he does aloooot of thinking. Right? (Kids nod).
You are most welcome to stay in touch with Jairus! I would just love that; if you wanted to send him letters or emails, call him or come for a visit. You know he moved to a new house earlier this year; it would be great if you wanted to come out for a visit.
Tomorrow Jairus will have some cards with his name and phone number on them. If you would like to stay in touch with Jairus, you ask him for a card. I'm sure he'll be very happy to give you one.
His teacher added a few more comments and thanked me for coming. I think it went fine. I think the kids were tracking with me and were accepting of the news. I think his teacher must have fielded a few questions after I left, because one of his best friends came to me after school and started to ask something about him doing school at home, but then Jairus came out and he had to let it drop.
I worked on this talk for a couple days and wrote it out in point form in a notebook that I brought with me and referred to. I wanted to make sure I didn't get off on any tangents (common with me in front of a group of children). I didn't want to get emotional and make them all uncomfortable. I just really wanted to do right by this group of kids. They're just a really great bunch of kids.
I nearly lost my composure when I had to tell them the 'confidential information'. But other than just being generally wobbly of voice, I was ok.
Just one more day now.
I thanked everyone profusely for everything they've done for Jairus these past 3.5 years. There was another important group of people I needed to talk to however....
I was surprisingly nervous to go into Jairus' class today. I had arranged it with his teacher, that I would come in and speak to the class for a few minutes. She arranged that Jairus would go out with his EA for that time. It all went off without a hitch; Jairus had no idea we were there. I felt strongly that Jairus' friends needed to be told that he would not be there in the fall. Like I said in my last post, he's been part of a really amazing group of friends that I have been very thankful for.
This is what I said to them.
Hello Everyone! Thanks for letting me come for a little visit. I have a couple very important things I want to tell you.
Jairus has been coming to this school for 3.5 years. Some of you might even have been in the class he started in, grade one. And some of you might have gone on to grade two, grade three and now this grade four class with Jairus. Well I'm going to tell you a secret. When Mr. Kent and I decided to put Jairus in school, I was pretty scared to bring him. I think you probably know why I was scared. Because Jairus is different, I was scared that he would not be accepted. I had seen before in his life, that some kids were very friendly to him....and some kids were not.
It only took a week or two for me to find out that you all were a very friendly group of kids. I was so happy and pleased to see that you accepted Jairus. You made all my fears go away! And whenever I saw you guys helping Jairus and being nice to him, it just made my heart sing. I'm not your mom, but I have been so proud of you all! You have learned a life lesson that even alot of grown-ups have not figured out yet! You have learned how to treat someone who is different with honour, respect and compassion. I wish I had certificates to give you all, to show that you have learned this very important lesson; of how to love one another. I hope that you can take that with you wherever you go for the rest of your life, because it's so important.
Now I have to tell you something confidential. You might know what confidential means, especially if you watch spy movies. There's always something that needs to be kept confidential in a spy movie. It's a little bit like a secret, but something that is confidential is being kept a secret for a very important reason. And it's not really a secret; it's just information that you need to know, but not everyone needs to know. Kind of like your doctors records. They are for you and your parents to see, but they are private and not everyone should be able to see them. Or your report card. You take that home for your parents to see, but you might not have shown your friends. It's private. It's confidential.
But this confidential information is only to be kept confidential from one person: Jairus.
When you come back to school in the fall, Jairus will not be there.
Now, this is to be kept confidential because if I told Jairus right now that he wasn't coming back to this school in the fall, he would be very upset. He would be confused, and he might not understand. Even worse, by the end of the summer, he might forget! Then I'd have to tell him all over again, and he would get upset all over again. I don't think there are any mommies out there that want to make their little boys upset two times for the same thing!
You all have often treated Jairus like he is your little brother. You know why that is---because sometimes Jairus needs extra help. And just like you are protective of your little brother, I want you to protect Jairus from being upset and confused.
I wanted to come tell you this because you have all been such good friends to Jairus, that I didn't think it would be fair to you all if you came back in September and he just wasn't there. I wanted you to know that when you say goodbye to him tomorrow, it will not just be for the summer. Now, when you say goodbye, don't go overboard. If you're all "Oooh, Jairus, I'm going to miss you sooo much", he's going to think..(funny face from me) "hmmm....somethings up". Because Jairus might not be able to say much, but he does aloooot of thinking. Right? (Kids nod).
You are most welcome to stay in touch with Jairus! I would just love that; if you wanted to send him letters or emails, call him or come for a visit. You know he moved to a new house earlier this year; it would be great if you wanted to come out for a visit.
Tomorrow Jairus will have some cards with his name and phone number on them. If you would like to stay in touch with Jairus, you ask him for a card. I'm sure he'll be very happy to give you one.
His teacher added a few more comments and thanked me for coming. I think it went fine. I think the kids were tracking with me and were accepting of the news. I think his teacher must have fielded a few questions after I left, because one of his best friends came to me after school and started to ask something about him doing school at home, but then Jairus came out and he had to let it drop.
I worked on this talk for a couple days and wrote it out in point form in a notebook that I brought with me and referred to. I wanted to make sure I didn't get off on any tangents (common with me in front of a group of children). I didn't want to get emotional and make them all uncomfortable. I just really wanted to do right by this group of kids. They're just a really great bunch of kids.
I nearly lost my composure when I had to tell them the 'confidential information'. But other than just being generally wobbly of voice, I was ok.
Just one more day now.
And now a word from our sponsor.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Taking a little break from house posts to talk about something a bit bigger right now.
Jairus. School. Sigh. Yep, this right now is actually bigger than my house.
So, little recap. Jairus is just finishing up grade four at the elementary school that was around the corner from where we used to live. I was going to say the name of the school but suddenly I thought it might be socially unsafe to do that. I'm not usually concerned with all that when I blog, but for some reason naming the school right out seemed like not a good idea today.
This is the close of a little over 3 years for Jairus in public school. James and I put him into school after two years of homeschooling because we were starting to run into roadblocks in providing services for him. For instance, CDRP (therapy services through the Chedoke campus of Hamilton health sciences) discharged him when he turned six. They told me that 'the school board' would take care of him now.
Ahem. I was his school board.
We looked to the CCAC (community care access centre) as recommended. They sent out two speech-language pathologists (at my request) to assess Jairus and turned him down for speech services because he was too delayed. Yes, you read that right; they don't provide speech therapy for delayed children. I can't say exactly why but I can tell you what reason it feels like. It feels like they don't want to bother giving speech therapy to children who aren't going to develop properly. Who aren't going to become a successful, contributing member of society. That may not be the reason. But they never bothered to explain to me why, even after a few firmly worded letters, so I'm left with my impressions.
But back to school.
We had been using Special Services at Home money to have my moms cousin, a retired EA, come out and help me with programming and a little hands on work with Jairus in his homeschooling. In the February of that school year, she began to suggest that we could be accessing alot more resources for him if we were in the school board. James and I gave it some serious consideration. Not only could we get services for him (we thought), but with three girls now coming up behind Jairus, I was finding it increasingly difficult to accomplish our homeschooling. Jairus needed alot of one on one time. So we put him in school.
From the first day, it was a good thing. We put Jairus in grade one even though he was age appropriate for grade two. They gave him an EA right away, full time. Jairus was not toilet trained at that time so he needed that kind of assistance at school. Having never been in an elementary school environment at 7 years old, they eased him in with half days. By June he went full time and his wonderful EA determined to have him toilet trained by the end of the month. She was largely successful. I was grateful!
When he returned that fall, it was to a different EA. I was slightly bothered to find out that he'd only have the EA part time; he'd be sharing her with another little boy. It worked out ok though, as she was in the classroom pretty much full time, and sat between the boys to give them maximum assistance. She was very nice and the year went well.
The next year was grade three. He went back in the fall with a new teacher, and a new EA. The teacher seemed great. Full of energy and constantly positive, she would turn out to be one of the best teachers I've ever met. The EA didn't work out so well. He was a man (not saying that was a problem, but it was different from what we were used to) and english was not his first language. He had a very strong accent and this I had a big problem with. Jairus' biggest need was speech assistance. It was clear within a few weeks that Jairus was becoming frustrated at school and acted out his frustration on the EA at one point, resulting in a 'Safe schools' report on Jairus.
Fortunately, right after this, the EA postings came out and Jairus received a new EA. An older lady this time, with years of professional and personal experience; she had a non-verbal daughter of her own at home. The rest of the year went great, although I was becoming increasingly concerned in the lack of time Jairus actually got with his EA. I spoke to his teacher about it, and then contacted the Board. After a few responses that basically put the onus back on the principal to assign EA time as needed, I spoke with the principal and she 'tweaked' his schedule. There was some improvement as she rearranged the EA time so that Jairus didn't have so many long gaps with no assistance.
On the last day of school I learned that Jairus would be getting even less EA help in the fall, perhaps amounting to 1/2 a day, every other day.
It actually turned out to be less.
This past fall, Jairus started grade four. Before school even started I went into the school and spoke to the principal. I wanted to find out how much EA time he'd get and a few other things, like what were they going to do about french class. I didn't get far....the principal told me to come back in a few weeks when things were more settled, and then she'd be able to tell me how much EA time he was actually getting. It turned out to be 1/3 of a day, every other day. I was not impressed.
Just a little rundown here, for anyone reading who doesn't know much about Jairus. He turned 11 this past March. His assessments have him working at a kindergarten to grade one level. He's considered non verbal and has perhaps a dozen words that he can say that the average person can recognize. He uses an augmentative communication device called a Vantage where he can touch the pictures on the screen and it speaks for him. You can read a little more about why he's like that here.
By December I had made enough fuss that a meeting was held with the Augmentative Communication team and all the school staff that dealt with Jairus. I pulled out all of Jairus' IEP's to get an idea of what kind of progress he'd made. I was shocked to find that his IEP's were worded exactly the same, year after year. The only thing that changed was the percentage he was expected to accomplish the goals. This was very discouraging. (Sidenote: I also discovered a few weeks ago that Jairus' DRA (developmental reading assessment) score is unchanged in three years).
As these meetings usually go, we left it feeling like our concerns had been discussed, but nothing was really improved. Since no more EA time could be stretched to Jairus, instead they began sending him to two outside-of-class programs, one the KLLIC program with the Kindergarten class, the other called Class Act, administered by an EA and attended by Jairus and a few other special need children in the school. Both were basic literacy, phonetic and speech programs that were right at Jairus' level. The rest of his time in class however, was largely attended with no assistance.
With our impending move, I began wondering if Jairus' time at this school was going to be limited. I was increasingly frustrated with the whole mess. Sometime after the new year, I chose a bone and picked on it.
Jairus would bring home work all the time with his name misspelled. Usually I ignored it, but after he misspelled his name on his Junior Soldier diploma, it started to get to me. When I started to notice his name misspelled in a teachers' handwriting, that's when I decided something needed to be done. It was the new kindergarten teacher---well, new to Jairus. It was the KLLIC teacher who apparently didn't know how to spell his name. So I sent a note in his agenda asking that all the teachers and EA's who worked with Jairus be apprised of how to spell his name. (Sidenote: this was also after seeing that his name was misspelled about 50% of the time in his IEP that year). Frustratingly, she responded that Jairus was the one misspelling his own name and that all the teachers and EA's DID know how to spell it. The day of that response, Jairus brought home a paper with the teachers writing on it....with his name spelled wrong. I circled it and wrote a further note on the back and sent it in a few days later. I ended up speaking with the teacher personally about it and she insisted that Jairus was misspelling his own name.
I was slightly stunned at misconception going on here.
I was quite aware that Jairus was the one misspelling his name. It was his own handwriting. What I wanted to see happen, was that when Jairus was spelling his name wrong, that someone would stop him, correct him, and help him learn how to do it right. Was that too much to ask?
Apparently it was. I decided to chuck the bone out the window.
Once we moved and I was driving Jairus to and from school each day, at a time usage of about 2 hours a day, the thoughts of whether we would keep him at this school became more prevalent. I tried to limit my thoughts strictly to his academic needs (and not my need to stop doing all that driving), but as a good friend pointed out, if I felt that school was really a helpful place for him, driving him would not be a problem. After all, I had driven him to and from Toronto for 30 days late last year for his Tomatis training because I felt it would be a tremendous benefit for him.
To help in this decision, I sent the girls to my parents for a day and shadowed Jairus around school. I won't make this post any longer with the details of my observations, but the bottom line was that Jairus was not getting enough help. Not enough EA time. Not enough speech help. The one shining positive about Jairus going to school was that his classmates were wonderful friends who would jump at the chance to help Jairus every day. Was that enough?
James and I prayed and wrestled with the issue. I begged God to show me what we should do. I talked with his classroom teacher. I spoke with the principal. Slowly, a picture was emerging. And it did not appear to involve public elementary school. But I needed to keep searching....
I met with my moms cousin once more, and a colleague of hers in special ed. I went out to the Gregory school for exceptional students and considered their private and expensive program. I spoke with a friend of a church friend who runs an enriched kindergarten program and tutoring/therapy clinic. I asked advice from a gymnastics mom (whose daughter trains with Verity) who is a Learning resource teacher in another board. I sent a letter to a Board of Ed trustee who in turn also contacted the Principle of Special Education. We chatted. I spoke with the principal of the school closest to us in the new board. They put me in touch with the Special Ed teacher consultant. I visited the developmentally delayed class for our new board.
Over and over I kept hearing the same excuses: EA's are allotted to the schools based on the needs of all the special ed students, then the school divies up the EA's as they see fit. Therefore the board was absolved of responsibility here for Jairus not getting enough help. The school insisted that they weren't getting enough EA's and that they needed to give them to students that were in physical need, or a danger to themselves or others. Non verbal and working at half his age level was apparently not important enough. The school therefore has their hands tied. Speech services were again denied through the school (administered by the CCAC....not them again...) because of his delays. The augmentative communication team provided resources for the teacher...but nothing for Jairus, not even of a consultative nature. We could bring our own private speech therapist in, sure. For twice the cost of a usual session as we pay for her travel and extra time. For sure we can do that.
Bit by bit the picture was coming clearer, like a photo being swished through the developing solution....
Then last Tuesday after speaking to the principal of Special Ed, I held the picture up to the light and guess what I saw?
My little boy, at home with his mama, and his three sisters. And I sighed with relief.
That's right, come fall, Kent Academy welcomes its original member back where he belongs.
Welcome home son. We sure have missed you.
:-)
Jairus. School. Sigh. Yep, this right now is actually bigger than my house.
So, little recap. Jairus is just finishing up grade four at the elementary school that was around the corner from where we used to live. I was going to say the name of the school but suddenly I thought it might be socially unsafe to do that. I'm not usually concerned with all that when I blog, but for some reason naming the school right out seemed like not a good idea today.
This is the close of a little over 3 years for Jairus in public school. James and I put him into school after two years of homeschooling because we were starting to run into roadblocks in providing services for him. For instance, CDRP (therapy services through the Chedoke campus of Hamilton health sciences) discharged him when he turned six. They told me that 'the school board' would take care of him now.
Ahem. I was his school board.
We looked to the CCAC (community care access centre) as recommended. They sent out two speech-language pathologists (at my request) to assess Jairus and turned him down for speech services because he was too delayed. Yes, you read that right; they don't provide speech therapy for delayed children. I can't say exactly why but I can tell you what reason it feels like. It feels like they don't want to bother giving speech therapy to children who aren't going to develop properly. Who aren't going to become a successful, contributing member of society. That may not be the reason. But they never bothered to explain to me why, even after a few firmly worded letters, so I'm left with my impressions.
But back to school.
We had been using Special Services at Home money to have my moms cousin, a retired EA, come out and help me with programming and a little hands on work with Jairus in his homeschooling. In the February of that school year, she began to suggest that we could be accessing alot more resources for him if we were in the school board. James and I gave it some serious consideration. Not only could we get services for him (we thought), but with three girls now coming up behind Jairus, I was finding it increasingly difficult to accomplish our homeschooling. Jairus needed alot of one on one time. So we put him in school.
From the first day, it was a good thing. We put Jairus in grade one even though he was age appropriate for grade two. They gave him an EA right away, full time. Jairus was not toilet trained at that time so he needed that kind of assistance at school. Having never been in an elementary school environment at 7 years old, they eased him in with half days. By June he went full time and his wonderful EA determined to have him toilet trained by the end of the month. She was largely successful. I was grateful!
When he returned that fall, it was to a different EA. I was slightly bothered to find out that he'd only have the EA part time; he'd be sharing her with another little boy. It worked out ok though, as she was in the classroom pretty much full time, and sat between the boys to give them maximum assistance. She was very nice and the year went well.
The next year was grade three. He went back in the fall with a new teacher, and a new EA. The teacher seemed great. Full of energy and constantly positive, she would turn out to be one of the best teachers I've ever met. The EA didn't work out so well. He was a man (not saying that was a problem, but it was different from what we were used to) and english was not his first language. He had a very strong accent and this I had a big problem with. Jairus' biggest need was speech assistance. It was clear within a few weeks that Jairus was becoming frustrated at school and acted out his frustration on the EA at one point, resulting in a 'Safe schools' report on Jairus.
Fortunately, right after this, the EA postings came out and Jairus received a new EA. An older lady this time, with years of professional and personal experience; she had a non-verbal daughter of her own at home. The rest of the year went great, although I was becoming increasingly concerned in the lack of time Jairus actually got with his EA. I spoke to his teacher about it, and then contacted the Board. After a few responses that basically put the onus back on the principal to assign EA time as needed, I spoke with the principal and she 'tweaked' his schedule. There was some improvement as she rearranged the EA time so that Jairus didn't have so many long gaps with no assistance.
On the last day of school I learned that Jairus would be getting even less EA help in the fall, perhaps amounting to 1/2 a day, every other day.
It actually turned out to be less.
This past fall, Jairus started grade four. Before school even started I went into the school and spoke to the principal. I wanted to find out how much EA time he'd get and a few other things, like what were they going to do about french class. I didn't get far....the principal told me to come back in a few weeks when things were more settled, and then she'd be able to tell me how much EA time he was actually getting. It turned out to be 1/3 of a day, every other day. I was not impressed.
Just a little rundown here, for anyone reading who doesn't know much about Jairus. He turned 11 this past March. His assessments have him working at a kindergarten to grade one level. He's considered non verbal and has perhaps a dozen words that he can say that the average person can recognize. He uses an augmentative communication device called a Vantage where he can touch the pictures on the screen and it speaks for him. You can read a little more about why he's like that here.
By December I had made enough fuss that a meeting was held with the Augmentative Communication team and all the school staff that dealt with Jairus. I pulled out all of Jairus' IEP's to get an idea of what kind of progress he'd made. I was shocked to find that his IEP's were worded exactly the same, year after year. The only thing that changed was the percentage he was expected to accomplish the goals. This was very discouraging. (Sidenote: I also discovered a few weeks ago that Jairus' DRA (developmental reading assessment) score is unchanged in three years).
As these meetings usually go, we left it feeling like our concerns had been discussed, but nothing was really improved. Since no more EA time could be stretched to Jairus, instead they began sending him to two outside-of-class programs, one the KLLIC program with the Kindergarten class, the other called Class Act, administered by an EA and attended by Jairus and a few other special need children in the school. Both were basic literacy, phonetic and speech programs that were right at Jairus' level. The rest of his time in class however, was largely attended with no assistance.
With our impending move, I began wondering if Jairus' time at this school was going to be limited. I was increasingly frustrated with the whole mess. Sometime after the new year, I chose a bone and picked on it.
Jairus would bring home work all the time with his name misspelled. Usually I ignored it, but after he misspelled his name on his Junior Soldier diploma, it started to get to me. When I started to notice his name misspelled in a teachers' handwriting, that's when I decided something needed to be done. It was the new kindergarten teacher---well, new to Jairus. It was the KLLIC teacher who apparently didn't know how to spell his name. So I sent a note in his agenda asking that all the teachers and EA's who worked with Jairus be apprised of how to spell his name. (Sidenote: this was also after seeing that his name was misspelled about 50% of the time in his IEP that year). Frustratingly, she responded that Jairus was the one misspelling his own name and that all the teachers and EA's DID know how to spell it. The day of that response, Jairus brought home a paper with the teachers writing on it....with his name spelled wrong. I circled it and wrote a further note on the back and sent it in a few days later. I ended up speaking with the teacher personally about it and she insisted that Jairus was misspelling his own name.
I was slightly stunned at misconception going on here.
I was quite aware that Jairus was the one misspelling his name. It was his own handwriting. What I wanted to see happen, was that when Jairus was spelling his name wrong, that someone would stop him, correct him, and help him learn how to do it right. Was that too much to ask?
Apparently it was. I decided to chuck the bone out the window.
Once we moved and I was driving Jairus to and from school each day, at a time usage of about 2 hours a day, the thoughts of whether we would keep him at this school became more prevalent. I tried to limit my thoughts strictly to his academic needs (and not my need to stop doing all that driving), but as a good friend pointed out, if I felt that school was really a helpful place for him, driving him would not be a problem. After all, I had driven him to and from Toronto for 30 days late last year for his Tomatis training because I felt it would be a tremendous benefit for him.
To help in this decision, I sent the girls to my parents for a day and shadowed Jairus around school. I won't make this post any longer with the details of my observations, but the bottom line was that Jairus was not getting enough help. Not enough EA time. Not enough speech help. The one shining positive about Jairus going to school was that his classmates were wonderful friends who would jump at the chance to help Jairus every day. Was that enough?
James and I prayed and wrestled with the issue. I begged God to show me what we should do. I talked with his classroom teacher. I spoke with the principal. Slowly, a picture was emerging. And it did not appear to involve public elementary school. But I needed to keep searching....
I met with my moms cousin once more, and a colleague of hers in special ed. I went out to the Gregory school for exceptional students and considered their private and expensive program. I spoke with a friend of a church friend who runs an enriched kindergarten program and tutoring/therapy clinic. I asked advice from a gymnastics mom (whose daughter trains with Verity) who is a Learning resource teacher in another board. I sent a letter to a Board of Ed trustee who in turn also contacted the Principle of Special Education. We chatted. I spoke with the principal of the school closest to us in the new board. They put me in touch with the Special Ed teacher consultant. I visited the developmentally delayed class for our new board.
Over and over I kept hearing the same excuses: EA's are allotted to the schools based on the needs of all the special ed students, then the school divies up the EA's as they see fit. Therefore the board was absolved of responsibility here for Jairus not getting enough help. The school insisted that they weren't getting enough EA's and that they needed to give them to students that were in physical need, or a danger to themselves or others. Non verbal and working at half his age level was apparently not important enough. The school therefore has their hands tied. Speech services were again denied through the school (administered by the CCAC....not them again...) because of his delays. The augmentative communication team provided resources for the teacher...but nothing for Jairus, not even of a consultative nature. We could bring our own private speech therapist in, sure. For twice the cost of a usual session as we pay for her travel and extra time. For sure we can do that.
Bit by bit the picture was coming clearer, like a photo being swished through the developing solution....
Then last Tuesday after speaking to the principal of Special Ed, I held the picture up to the light and guess what I saw?
My little boy, at home with his mama, and his three sisters. And I sighed with relief.
That's right, come fall, Kent Academy welcomes its original member back where he belongs.
Welcome home son. We sure have missed you.
:-)
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