When to stop and when to go

A couple weeks ago, I stood in the doorway of the music studio I teach at and had one of those conversations with a mom.  One of those conversations that sortof makes me want to thump my head against the wall. (I was going to say stab myself in the eye with a fork, but that seemed a little overdramatic).

Her 7 year old daughter had been taking voice lessons with me for about a month to six weeks.  I had been sensing that the child was bored and dissatisfied with how things were going.  She wasn't doing any practicing at home, the mom had mentioned that she really didn't know how to help her daughter practice, so even though I left copious notes on the ipad she'd brought for me to take notes on, including links to practice videos, there had been virtually no improvement or learning going on.  They were going to quit.

She stood with me in that doorway and told me that she hated announcing that it was time to go to singing lessons and hearing her daughter whine and complain and put up a fuss.  She didn't do that for dance class, she told me.  I had suggested early on to this family that a childrens choir might be a better choice for one this young, but they hadn't been interested in driving the distance to the nearest choir.
The mom continued to tell me that when she threatened her daughter with quitting dance, her daughter was very distraught, but when she did the same for singing, her daughter didn't care.  This to her was evidence that they should quit.
Needless to say I was fairly annoyed about all this.  I tried to connect with her as a mother of young girls as well--daughters who also give me a hard time when I say its time to go to practice or rehearsal.  I shrugged and commiserated that it was those times that we as moms have to decide whether to hold our ground or decide its time to move on.  It took everything in me not to let my annoyance take over, allow sarcasm to rule and shnark at her that it was time to grow up and be a mommy and not let her daughters bad behaviour determine her path in life.
But I didn't, mostly because I really have walked in those shoes, nearly weekly.  I find "cheerleader" added to my hat stack as a mom, nearly every week for one of my girls, when I say "Time to go to ________practice", and the groaning begins.  I know the consternation of working though the mystery of whether I'm being a good parent to keep forcing them to go, or a good parent to recognize that said activity is not really their thing, and let them move on.

We came to the crossroads of this exact issue with Honour about a month ago.  She's been highland dancing for about three years now.  At first she did very well and the teacher told us she had a lot of good, natural qualities a dancer needed in terms of her body type.  At the end of her first year of classes, she started competing and it took her a full year to get her six stamps and move from Beginner level to Novice level. (Which is a normal rate of progress).  This year on the one year anniversary mark of the start of her competing, she not only did not get a stamp, but she didn't even get a medal (6 places awarded in four dances, out of about 15 dancers).  She has yet to get even one stamp in the Novice category.  To say she was getting discouraged was an understatement.  She was ready to quit.

I was SO torn.  I don't believe in letting kids quit.  I don't believe in not finishing what you start.  But what would be 'finishing' in this situation?  There are two more levels above Novice, each of them harder and harder than before.  This highland dance future was looking bleak.  I decided to get some advice.

I messaged a friend whose daughter is one of junior coaches at our dance studio.  Surely she had gone through this with her daughter at some point.  I messaged with another friend whose daughter dances with Honour, but who's been dancing longer than Honour.  I messaged with my cousin who inspired us to consider highland dance in the first place, who I would consider 'successful' in dance, having completed all the levels and topped her highland career off with a trip to Scotland to dance in the Tattoo. And of course, I talked to my mom.  With the advice and encouragement of these ladies, and some intensive prayer to ask Honours heavenly father what would be the best plan for her, we came to a decision.  Not only that, but I determined a plan to implement this decision--possibly even more important.  We were not going to let her quit, and here was how we were going to help her stick to this path:

1).  She was going to have to practice.  As a musician and music teacher, this is a no-brainer for me, when I tell my students to practice.  However, I had been lagging on this front when it came to Honour and dance.  I'm very concerned about becoming a 'soccer mom', and didn't want to push a level of dedication or commitment that would raise eyebrows.  However, her beginner days of doing well in competition on only 2 hours of dance class a week were long over.  She clearly needed to practice.  So I pulled out the first go-to idea I usually implement with my students: The Practice Chart.  I tried to make it attractive so she would be drawn to filling up all the little boxes with happy face stickers.  Notice that I did not put dates across the top. I knew that it would be unreasonable to expect her to practice every day, especially with holidays (like we're on now, hence why I'm blogging) so her goal will be to simply fill out every block.

Then I upped the ante with the following chart as well.  This goes on the fridge next to the practice chart.  We also decided that she will get something VERY special when she fills the chart...something she's wanted for a long while....a [used] ipod.  No, I don't see this as bribing.  It's providing incentive, which we ALL need to achieve our goals.

2). She was going to have to exercise.  I've always maintained that I keep my kids in 'something physical' as homeschoolers because they need that.  They don't have gym class.  However, 2 hours of dance a week is not really cutting it.  Again, resisting the soccer mom picture in my head, the idea of working out above and beyond both her practicing and her classes seemed like too much.  But after musing upon this some more, I decided that exercising (reasonably) could do nothing but help her, and would benefit her for the rest of her life.
Her teacher has always recommended that dancers ride a stationary bike, so I put out the call on Facebook to see if any friends had one.  Actually, I decided that I needed two, because I've learned that Honour needs a buddy.  And James would be her riding buddy.  I managed to find a bike on FB and also a bike trainer which Honours' bike could go on and convert to a stationary bike.  They started with five minutes upon waking in the morning, and they've not been doing too badly.  I'm encouraging James to increase slowly--five minutes for five days, six minutes for six days, etc.  Honour has been liking the time with her dad one on one!

3) A notebook, made just for her.  This was one of the recommendations from my cousin and my friend whose daughter dances with Honour.  During rehearsal, corrections and suggestions are called out left, right and centre.  Really, it would be difficult for even an adult to remember what to do once at home again.  So not only did I get her a notebook, but I designed and had one printed up just for her.  I can't seem to convert it into an image that blogger recognizes so I'll just describe: It has a cute highland dance picture I found online and I inserted "Honour's Highland Dance Notebook" across the bottom.  I also designed the pages printed inside with subtitles down the left of all her most common dances with lines to write down the notes.  Her teacher and the junior coaches were very impressed and have been helping by writing the notes down for her.  My goal is that she'll become proficient at taking her own notes though.

4) Physiotherapy.  I've had some minor concerns about Honour's musculature for a few years.  I could see her posture starting to droop and at 7-8 years old, that didn't seem right to me.  She also struggles terribly in highland practice during the stretching; she's very tight through the back of her legs and up her back through her neck.  This is something I had a problem with as a kid too and I cringe every time I watch her in practice and the coaches are trying to help her stretch farther.  I can feel it up my own back and neck!  I started seeing a physiotherapist for some back discomfort and so I asked the therapist if she would be comfortable helping Honour too.  So far it's been helpful to me to have her enthusiasm to do our exercises together.

5) Goals.  I've always been a lousy goal maker.  For whatever reason, I've always had an aversion to goals--they somehow feel confining to me.  Or perhaps its just that I'm scared I won't achieve them.  I remember sitting on the lawn of Irwin chapel many years ago with James, him with his notebook out, me balking and whining that he was 'making' me think of some goals.  I think unfortunately I've encouraged him away from that kind of behaviour.  Anyways, I've embraced the idea anew, at least where Honour is concerned.  We sat down and talked with her about her future in highland dance, and what she wanted to accomplish; what we wanted to see her accomplish.  Being my sensible first born daughter, this was an easy task.  We laid out our vision for her: that she a) move from Novice to Intermediate level by next July 1st, and b) that she continue at highland dance until she achieved Premier level, which follows intermediate.  This may take anywhere from two to four years from this moment.  With the new practicing and exercise measures in place, hopefully closer to the two years.  We told Honour that we didn't have any expectations of her becoming a champion, but if that happened, we would be thrilled, of course.  What we wanted for her, was to establish some habits of physical discipline in her life, the determination to stick with something until she was done, and to work towards a standard of excellence in something.  I would say that these are goals for all the activities we put our children in.  Finally, I want her to be able to look back at her highland 'career' and feel a sense of accomplishment that she ran that race to the end.  I don't want her to forever consider highland as that thing she did well at, at first, but then later flunked out of.  We told her that once she reached Premier level, she could choose whether she continued or not.  She was agreeable to all this, and even added her own goal of winning a trophy at competition. :-)

I feel a great sense of satisfaction that we've set out a path for her that is achievable, and yet will require some hard work.  Now when she complains about going to practice, I have all this to point to--and it won't be all my own expectations.

Now I just have to deal with a disgruntled Verity, who feels that she should be able to earn an ipod too....

Honour at Embro, 2013.  Wearing her new (to her) kilt...a 'real' one now, no more kiltie!

(I love that I caught some photos of her up in the air. :-)

Summertime=Organizing

I have SOO been looking forward to the summer.  Incredibly so.  I have found that with homeschooling, there is time pretty much for only basic upkeep of my house (and life, actually).  Deep cleaning of anything, like the powder room walls, the stove hood, or my baseboards is on hold for 10 months out of the year.

I knew the summer would streak by me in a hurry however, so I attempted to be even more organized about my organizing by making lists.  James and I went away for 2 nights for our anniversary last month and while at St. Jacobs, I picked up a very attractive spiral bound book (I have a slight addiction to spiral bound books) which I decided would guide my summer of organizing. (Heh.  Just realized that four years ago I planned a summer that I called "Summer of Fun". So I'm getting boring in my old age).

We got off to a fairly good start in that the week after our anniversary trip, James took a week of holidays and we declared a stay-cation.  Equally helpful was that on the Thursday, our childrens minister extraordinaire offered to take ALL FOUR of my children to the Toronto Zoo for the day.  OFFERED!!  So we tackled my lists.

My first big project was the basement.  We had a flood back in April and saw 10 inches of water deluge our basement.  It was a rather stressful time.

Fortunately, because it was an appliance failure (the sump pump) which should not have been failing after only a bit more than a year doing its' job, the insurance company came to our rescue.

It's taken since then to have it cleaned up (thank you ServiceMaster), have the ruined insulation replaced, submit the massive spreadsheet of lost items to the insurance company, including current replacement value and rough age of each item (hours of work) wait for the cheque to arrive, and then go buy the things we wanted to replace.
I bought a new carpet and moved our living room carpet down to the basement, and picked up a couple pieces of furniture from Kijiji and the SA.  We could have bought new, but I just couldn't bear to buy brand new furniture for it to go downstairs for my kids to destroy.
James installed many more lights so now the space is bright and cheerful.  It was a very satisfying accomplishment our first week of the summer.

My next tackle was my pantry.

It didn't actually even have that third shelf on top.  When we moved in, James installed the shelves, because we had had to let the finish carpenters go.  He got two shelves up and the brackets for the third and then we realized that we didn't have a third shelf.  I took this picture at the start of my makeover just after I went to Turkstra lumber and picked up the boards.

Voila.

                              

The large cannisters are from our newly opened Target.  The labels I made in Publisher and James helped me colour them turquoise.  These were all inspired by the Martha Stewart cork board I got from Staples which you will see later.  The large Masons I had on hand, from my previous pantry organizing attempt at our old house.

After polling Facebook friends, I decided that Jysk was the best place to buy baskets.  $7.99 each.  The tags were Martha Stewart from Staples.

The tall bottles are from Ikea.  I've found that they don't pour very well, so I'll be on the lookout for oil pouring spouts.

The Martha Stewart cork board with my newly created schedules.  Before this I had hand drawn charts stuck with tape on the side wall.

Making use of all wall space, I had James put up some nails to store my wine cask candle holder.

Facing the candleholder are the leaves to our table.  Pulling double duty are some attractive curtain tie-backs instead of utility hooks.

This was up before, hook caddy from Ikea.  Now dresssed up with some of the leftover ribbon I hot glued to the shelf edges.

I love that I now have dedicated spots for kleenex and paper towel storage.  So easy now to see when I'm low!

Step stool from Ikea, $14.99.  Now that I have a third shelf to reach, essential.

I mused upon a typical country-style potato/onion bin, but they were a little pricey everywhere I looked.  Instead I went with the coordinating style from Jysk, $29.99.

My linens basket was there previously, my stab at organization before this.

This step organizer was also here before, I bought it years ago for our linen closet.

The one thing I can't seem to makeover is this recycle bin.  I'd like a nice basket, but one this large would be very pricey, plus you really don't want to put recycle stuff in a non-washable basket. :-S  The bag organizer was on the back of the door before, but it made opening the door fully annoying, so I moved it.

Another wall space usage, my tray that I stained and toll painted years ago.

A plate stand for my serving plates.  Home Hardware, can't remember how much.

Now my extra place settings are up off the floor, which makes me happy!

A few finishing touches using the leftover ribbon.

I'm SO pleased with my pantry.  I sometimes come stand in the doorway and just stare at it. :-D

Next in line is my kitchen.  Not as much to do here, but I'm doing some smaller jobs that I've put off for ages.  (or at least since last year when we moved in).

I've wanted a spice organizer that goes in a drawer, but allows the bottles to sit up on an angle.  Couldn't find it anywhere!  Finally did at, of all places, Home Hardware in my little Caledonia.  I don't have a before picture, but imagine a large drawer with a myriad of small white baskets lying this way and that, a hodgepodge of glass white-topped bottles that I labelled about 10 years ago with plain white labels, and a number of refill spice bags that didn't really fit into the baskets, trying to do so.  A light dusting of cinnamon and oregano was over all, courtesy of my children helping themselves.

Now I have this: 

Getting organized is a great feeling! (hope it lasts!)

Workboxes!

I'm SOO excited!!  This is a little out of order perhaps in my homeschooling posts, but I can't help myself. SUPER EXCITED!

A number of months ago I ran across this homeschooling organizing method called workboxes.  I think there's a lady that has actually patented the name.

Up until now, we were using plain old baskets--the ones you can actually see on top of the organizers here.  I snapped this shot yesterday after getting the boxes into place--I haven't actually completed the organizational aspect of it all yet, so as you can see, our baskets are still full.
The baskets had had their day.  It was fine when the kiddies were little and all they were doing was 2-3 subjects.  But now that Honour is up into grade 4-6 work and the others are slowly increasing their subjects, the baskets, on one hand breaking down due to a few years of use, were also just not cuttin' it.

Enter in, the workboxes!  As I said, I came upon this idea, have no recollection how exactly, but I thought it sounded fabulous.  And so I started pining for organizers to do the job.  These things do not come cheap!  It was also hard to find ones that were the right dimensions.
One of the bloggers I read said that they used this type (pictured above) which were actually scrapbooking organizers.  Each drawer is a unit unto itself and has a latching lid.  This is apparently handy so that if your child doesn't get their math done before heading off for the dentist appointment, they can grab their math box and take it with them--it even provides a 'desk' to work on.  I was a little hesitant about that aspect actually, as I had visions of the boxes going hither and yon and never making it back into its' cart.  However, after scouring every store in the area that would carry this kind of organizer, I began to realize that the scrapbooking one was the only unit with drawers the right size.  We use alot of binders so each drawer had to be 12X12 at least.  And I didn't want a unit with some shallow drawers and some deep ones, as you often see--I wanted them all the same size.  Tall expectations!
I found what I wanted at Solutions, the organizing store, in Burlington.  They were $60 each! (hmmm, times four....) This was going to have to be a project we waited and/or saved for.  Well, due to a change in finances recently (which I'll blog a bit about soon), we happened to have some money we could use on this.  For a week now I've been mentally raking through my schedule, trying to figure out when I could get out to Solutions.

And then I got a flat tire.
(Blessing in disguise, lol)

On Thursday as I dropped Verity off at the gym, some kind stranger knocked on my window and told me my tire was flat.  Our van runs so rough these days that I had had no idea!  Once I got the donut on (yes, ME, I got the tire changed :-) I made it home and called James to tell him we were going to need a new tire.  We always buy used at Good To Go Tires on the east mountain so I arranged to meet him there and we would trade off vehicles so I could go to my teaching job.

I knew I needed to hit Michaels before that though, as I needed to pick up a few supplies for the scrapbooking class I was teaching at church later that evening.  I had planned to go to the Ancaster store, but instead rerouted for the Winterberry store as it was closer to Good To Go.
As I walked into that particular Michaels, lo and behold, what was on sale, 40% off in the foyer!?!?  Indeed, my long-dreamed-about workboxes, 50% cheaper than the Solutions store had been selling them for.

I found my supplies and stood at the check-out desk.  As the lady rang in my stuff, I asked how long the organizers would be on sale.  After some confusion of terms (This week.  This week? Thursday.  Today?  Next Thursday. Wait, which organizers?) she followed me over and I pointed out exactly which ones.  She fingered one of the half a dozen bright orange sale tags proclaiming them to be 40% off and said dispassionately,

"Oh, that sale is expired".

[Sound of my organized homeschooling dream crashing into pieces].

{OK, maybe that's a bit dramatic.  I was crestfallen}

The tag she pointed to declared that the sale had ended on March 23. Nearly two weeks earlier.  Wait, what, 2 weeks ago?  What's up with that???

"It's not still for sale?", I asked, earnestly.  "Are you sure?".

One look at my face and the sound of my (rather calm, really) voice behooved her to recall her "the customer is always right" training and her shoulders dropped a fraction.

"If you take it right now, I'll let you have it on sale", she acquiesced.
"But I need FOUR!", I protested.  But I had her.  She knew she couldn't back out now. Muahahaha....

The kids and I struggled our four organizers out to the van (which also held a flat tire in the back) and for a brief moment I wondered how I would ever fit them in my Oddy.  But where there's a will, there's a way!

So now, back to the boxes and how we will use them.  I'll admit, this is actually going to require a bit more of me in terms of preparation.  The majority of my curriculum is completely prepared for me and rarely requires more than a quick scan before I go through a lesson with a child.  I'm up for it though--I'm keen to bring our homeschool to a new level of cohesiveness and depth.

I will tonight (likely) be creating some labels that I will have laminated.  Each box will have a label (labelabelable). (sorry, Mr. Scrooge takes over sometimes), and I'll attach these to the front of each box with a velcro dot.  Also, each box will have a check mark or a star or some other happy symbol which will likewise attach with a velcro dot.

The evening or morning before our school day begins, I will go through the boxes and prepare the assignment for each subject.  For some subjects, this will be fairly easy, because as I said, I use curriculum that flows easily from day to day with little prep. (Math-u-see, for instance, Explode the Code or reading).  But others I've been finding really need more than a few moments of prep and I've accepted that that's the way it goes with homeschooling as the kids get older.
When the kids go up for lesson time in the mornings, the boxes are all ready for them to go through one at a time and complete their work.  As they finish, the velcro checkmark is pulled off and put in one of the molded separators on the top.  I'll put the checks back when I reset the boxes.
Some resources recommend that you also have labels that say "to do with mom" or something like that.  I may do that, although it'll be sorta moot on Jairus' boxes. {shrug}.  Another good idea is to have a pic symbol strip (just like they used to use for Jairus in school, or in some of his past therapies) that he/they can follow along and remove the pics from the strip instead of the checkmarks from the boxes.

Either way, I'm WAY excited that we were finally able to get our boxes!

A few links on workboxes:

http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/need-to-get-organized-check-out-homeschool-workboxes/

http://www.creatinclassicalchaos.com/2013/01/our-workboxes-are-forever-evolving.html

http://www.fiddledeedee.net/2009/08/05/a-workbox-system-that-works/

Our History of Homeschooling (the story continues)

So, there were families in my past that I observed and decided that homeschooling appeared to shape them in a way that I liked.  There was a closeness in siblings that I liked.  There was a sense of community and respect in the families.  Some of it I can't put my finger on--but the way the parents related to kids, and vice versa was just...different.  Maybe it was because the parents had more time to study and understand their kids.
There was alot of freedom in these families.  Freedom to go off on a long trip or even a year long exchange without having to worry about what school the kids would go to.  I remember reading an adventure blog of such a family a few years ago.  I liked that.
 When I was in high school, I became intensely interested in Creationism and Evolution.  For a least a year or more I studied it at length, even choosing it as a presentation topic in my OAC (grade thirteen) Geography class (much to the dismay of my teacher, I'm sure, especially when I went twenty minutes over the twenty minute maximum time required).
There are alot of topics that Christian parents would probably rather their kids would just not know about.  For me, evolution is one of those topics.  But this is just not reasonable, nor is it wise!  Our kids are not going to be able to stand strong in their faith if they are unaware of the attacks upon it.  Instead of being scared of my children being exposed to the idea of evolution, I've realized that I can be the key influence on this topic.  Instead of shying away from the history book that begins with "billions of years ago", I can balance this presentation with information from one of my creationism books.
Over the years I've seen many "wake up you parents" type articles that claim that _______ media source or ______ pop/movie star is influencing kids these days far more than their parents.  ( *friends*, *music*, *movies*).
I am jealous for my childrens' attentions!  I want my husband and I to be their prime influences.  These were the things that I explored throughout my late teens and into my twenties, as I learned more about homeschooling.

Then, Jairus was born.

I didn't focus on much except his O2 sats, pumping every 3 hours and getting that piped into his little tummy for a very long time.  Then at 1 year of age, speech therapy began.  A couple years later, his therapists were recommending preschool so that he'd be around other talking children to boost his own speech.  Looking back, I can't say that this goal was reached.  It sounds logical, I'm sure SLP's would still recommend something like that, but Jairus doesn't 'not speak' for lack of exposure.  Apraxia is a physical inability to coordinate the muscles to create speech.  He has language, he has communication.  Watching other people speak doesn't help worth a hill of beans.  But of course, when he was 3 or 4 years old, we only had desperate hopes that what the therapists said would come true.  In any case, I gave fleeting thought to my homeschool hopes at this time and decided that preschool was acceptable.  He had a very fun couple of years at a place in Brantford and then one year at a co-op preschool in Hamilton, which Honour joined him for.  She has fond memories of that, and screeches in delight every time we pass the church that it was held in.  When she was tested at the end that year, the teachers confidently told me that Honour was completely ready for JK; she'd have NO problem.  I smiled, thanked them, went home and ordered my first homeschool curriculum: Little Hands to Heaven.

Haha, no actually, I liked how that sounded so I just wanted to write it.  I actually started homeschooling about halfway through that year.  The preschool was only 1/2 days 2-3 days a week so on the off days, we would do 'school at home'.

I cleaned up the basement, stuck up some posters and laminated resources from my local ASKE, set up a table and we began homeschooling in February of 2007.  I probably would have started sooner, but 2006 had us selling our Brantford house, buying our Hamilton house, moving, getting pregnant and then burying our son.  I think I did pretty good to get started only a couple months after that.

It was lotsa fun, the Little Hands to Heaven program.  My older three now each have a thick binder with dollar store report covers, stuffed full of all their finger painting, letter practice, number learning, cutting, pasting and macaroni creations that they love to pull out and look through.  So proud they are of their homepreschool!

Homeschooling, Take Two

You may have noticed that I pulled my first homeschooling post.  I realized over the last few days that it wasn't the start I wanted to make.  It had been impulsive, stemming from emotion instead of a rational plan for what I still hope will be a series.  It was also a mere straw in the haystack of our reasons for homeschooling--one that I'm not even sure should be considered in the light that I portrayed it in.  I'll be honest, it was a knee-jerk reaction after viewing the video.  I may repost it later, depending on whether it seems a suitable accompaniment to my homeschooling topics.

Another reason I took that post off was because I neglected a very important aspect of any discussion of homeschooling; essentially, a disclaimer.

I'm fond of Ann Voskamps way of putting it: "This is descriptive of our lives, not prescriptive for anyone else".  Another blogger I read recently put it this way, "We know the path we are on is the path created for us -- we are no better or less than those who choose public or private school".


This is soo very important. I struggle with and question many aspects of my life...just like (I assume) you do. The last thing I have is it all figured out!  However, I do often have an awesome feeling of contentment and peace that I'm doing what the Lord is requiring of me--especially since Jairus came home.   My intentions for a series on homeschooling are the following:

• To express my own feelings and thoughts on homeschooling and why we're doing it.

• To perhaps debunk a few myths about homeschooling.

• To gather some of the evidences I've run across in the past few years on the above two points, and give them a home here.

• To encourage someone thinking about homeschooling and give some basic information and instruction.

• To offer some practical ideas and advice on homeschooling, which would obviously be more for actual homeschoolers!

So I decided that the aspect I was going to start with was those thoughts and feelings.  Start at the beginning, I say!


I don't recall exactly which was my first exposure to homeschooling.  I know when my mom decided to homeschool two of my now eight siblings (there weren't eight when she did that...I think only about five or six) it wasn't the first time I'd ever heard of it.  I was...hmmm, at the end of highschool, working my interim year or starting Moody when my mom decided that one of my sisters and one of my brothers would be homeschooled for a bit.  I believe it ended up being two years.  I didn't have alot (hardly any, really) of hands on experience with this new endeavour.  I was in my late teens and as I said, was finishing up my last year of highschool (the victory lap, I believe they call it now, grade thirteen), working my year at Subway Sandwiches, raising money to go to school, or beginning that first year of university in Chicago.  I heard reports from my mom and saw some of the work being done here and there.  I know that she was using a homeschooling "school" called G.R.A.C.E.  I don't know if she ordered curriculum from them or what, but it was at the very least an association.
Around the same time, I met a family up at Fair Havens Bible Conference with a whole mess of kids they were homeschooling.  They were an extremely lovely family and their kids (while not perfect, of course) were....somehow a little different.  In a good way.  It was my observation and conviction that homeschooling had something to do with this.
Over the next few years I took note of other homeschooling families.  There was a often a common....difference in those families.  I liked it.  One family in particular was a very large one from Chicago.  They attended the church James and I worked at and were a part of.  They had at that time at least eight children, the littlest a baby and the oldest a preteen.  One weekend they were going away and had lined up a series of babysitters to come out and tag team throughout the three days.  James and I took one shift, as the family had a couple kids in my children's choir, so they were comfortable with us.  I don't remember if we were married yet.
I have a vivid memory of sitting with the kids in a large family room.  Their house was a perfectly massive older house with a second and probably even third floor and many, many rooms.  High ceilings, classic decor; it was quite impressive.  The room we were sitting in had likely originally been a parlour.  There was an armoire over in one corner with a TV and VCR hidden inside and a collection of movies, but the kids weren't watching it.  Instead, two or three of the boys were playing a game of some type--it might have been a board game, or just creative play with some small toys or action figures.  They squabbled from time to time but generally played well with each other.
The oldest, the preteen girl arrived home from some activity--piano lesson or sports practice of some kind.  The littlest remaining sibling, a sister probably around two years old was delighted to see her come home.   She came running and jumped into her big sisters arms.  They sat on the floor and for the next fifteen or so minutes, played.  Like, just, played.  With an elastic (rubber band for you Americans).  The little one sat on her sisters lap and stretched the elastic over her hands and balanced it on her nose, pretended it was an earring and hooked it over the bigger girl's ear.  The older girl was clearly content to spend fifteen minutes playing with her little sister, with nothing more entertaining than a thin piece of rubber.
A couple years later I was making a little extra money on campus by babysitting for the  Married Students Fellowship.  One day we had a gym activity time and took the kids over to Moody's athletic building, the Solheim Center. We had a few things planned, but ran out of activities before the parents were due to pick up their kids.  Casting about for ideas, we headed up to the aerobics room, a large, spacious hardwood floored room with one wall of mirrors and mounted TV's for watching exercise videos. We popped in one to give the kids something to jump around to.

Now, you can imagine that Moody Bible Institute would not have in their exercise video collection anything objectionable.  However, there are amongst us, those whose tastes are more stringent and sensitive than others.  And those with such tastes would likely choose to allow different media options in their homes and to which to expose their children.  
One little girl, probably about five or six took one look at the spandex-clad, perfectly proportioned aerobics models in the video and decided that this was not appropriate for her two younger brothers to be viewing.  She quickly gathered these two boys to either side of her, turned her back to the TV and held her hands and arms around them in such a way that their eyes were shielded from the offending video.  Then she appealed to me to shut it off, explaining that her parents would not want her or her brothers to see it.
In surprise, I marched over the VCR and hit the stop button.  How could you argue with that?
I was deeply affected by this; I had never seen a child take such an action to protect her younger siblings before.  The issue of the reasonableness of her actions, as obviously instilled by her parents aside, I was highly impressed that such a young one would be so concerned for the welfare of her brothers.  
How do you raise kids with such awareness?  Was homeschooling the key?


(to be continued :-)

Verity's Turn

You may remember about a year and a half ago, give or take a month, I was excited to report on my eldest daughters foray into highland dancing.  Well, now it's Verity's turn.

As I spoke of just a week or so ago, Verity has been training in gymnastics since she was three years old.  Last year was a bit of a pill to swallow for her as she was training with a slightly older group of girls who were all of age to compete....but Verity was not.  So she had to listen to the coaches constantly talking about competition etiquette, competition expectations, etc.  Finally, she's old enough.  She is entered in 3 competitions this season, one each month, the first one being today.

It was in Niagara Falls and being one of the littlest gymnasts, her registration time was 7:30am.  Which meant we have to leave the house by 6:00am.  Which meant we had to get up at 5:00am.  Grooaaan.

It was all well and good though.  Ever conscious of our budget, I made sandwiches and muffins last night after getting the kids into bed early.  Which meant we got them into bed by their bedtime, [snort].  This was after having stopped for sponge curlers on the way home from teaching to put Verity's hair up because our clubs hairdo expectation involves copious curls.  She's got her momma's fine hair, so curly she was this morning!

We actually got into Niagara Falls early so had plenty of time to bathroom everybody up, get registered, stamped and secure spots on the bleachers.

We quickly spotted some of Verity's teammates, and also 2 girls and a coach from her old gym.  It was nice to see some familiar faces.

Then came the official 'march-in', with each team being announced and holding placards with their gym name.  There were about a dozen gyms represented.

The kids all ran around and warmed up after this, and at 8:30 sharp, the events began.  Verity was on beam first.

 

 

 

 

 

I've been really impressed with how much more polished Verity looks this year.  Before this she never seemed to pay as much attention to her feet, or hands.  When she 'presented', it always looked less....impressive than what I was used to seeing at gymnastics events on TV.  Now she's got that little bit of showy.

Here she is starting her floor routine.  We've seen alot of this the last couple weeks because her routine was to the theme song to 'The Fairy OddParents' (kids show).  Every time it was on, she would jump to the floor.

 

Next was vault, which she was too fast to actually catch doing it.  Here she is waiting for her turn.

...and ready to start...love her on-the-toes take off.

 

 

I think she had fun.  Maybe just a little.

Last was the bars.  At first we were a little confused because all the girls did their practice runs, but Verity sat on the bench against the wall.  It turned out that her coach had to adjust the bars.  I guess she was the only one using the bars at that particular setting, so they let all the other girls go first, then shifted the bars for Verity. 

 

 

 

This was actually her practice run.  I was finding that trying to take pictures meant that I was missing the jist of each of her events.  Photographing her warm up seemed to be a good way to get good pics and still watch her do her thing.

After this, she was done!  

We all filed down the hall to the presentation room.  With 43 girls in this "flight", it was alot of people to fit into a room not quite designed to fit that many.  We didn't mind standing--after 4 hours of sitting on a hard bleacher, I was good with a change of position.  We had to wait about 10-15 minutes for all the marks to be tallied.

I'm just starting to learn about the world of competitive gymnastics.  Highland dance, I'm completely familiar with now.  Gymnastics Ontario does things a little differently.  In Highland dance, Honour started out in Beginner level.  Within Beginner, they split the competitors into age groups.  This means that Honour wouldn't be competing against a kid who was way older or younger than her, and had roughly the same amount of training as her.  At a competition, there's typically 12-18 girls in her group.  For each of four dances, they award 6 medals.  The top three get a stamp on their dance card.  Once they get 6 stamps, they move on to the next level (Novice, Intermediate, Premier).  Still, she would be with those the same age as her, within the level.

In Gymnastics, Verity's coaches decided what level she should compete at a few months ago.  We were pleased to find out it was level 3---we had figured she would begin at level 2.  I believe that there are certain skill sets that once a gymnast has mastered, they move on to another level, so it's completely up to the discretion of the coach.  As I said, there were 43 girls in her flight, all 7 years old, but 35 of them were in level 2.  This meant that she was one of only 8 girls in her level.  Thinking Highland dance, I figured this meant for sure she'd come home with a ribbon or medal, or whatever they were presenting.

That's not quite how it happened, but don't think I mean it was a negative thing.  On one hand, I'm one of these parents who is somewhat opposed to kids being awarded for doing nothing of consequence.  I think that when kids are rewarded for every little thing they do, this brings down the standard they are reaching for.  On the other hand, I've agonized through a number of competitions with Honour now, when she has brought nothing home.  Sure, it's good for kids to experience disappointment, but it's awful hard as parents to watch it, especially when they've worked hard.

Gymnastics Ontario however, has got a different system.  If I'm understanding it correctly, each child is marked in each event they presented.  That mark determines what standing they receive--I think the parameters of each medal standing is predetermined: Gold, Silver, Bronze and Merit.  Once each of the four events are completed, the marks are added up, and an overall medal standing is awarded.  This means that each child gets up on the podium and is presented their certificate with five stickers--one for each event, and the overall standing.  A nice bonus today was that each gymnast got a medal as well--I was relieved for this, as Verity has watched big sister bring home numerous medals and I know she's wanted one too!

We watched all 35 girls from level 2 get up on the podiums and receive their certificates and medals.  Then it was Verity's level.

Bronze!

She received Silver for Floor and Beam, Bronze for Bars and Merit for Vault.  Honestly, I can't figure that Merit level out, as I thought she was amazing on that (and her coach seemed to think so too) so I might just ask next week if that seemed accurate, but overall, she was immensely pleased...as were we!  A very good first gymnastics competition experience!

Shmallentines day

Thursday, February 14, 2013

A year ago today....was one of the most miserable days of my life.

If you know me, and you're thinking back in history to a year ago, you might be thinking to yourself...miserable?  Really, Leslie?  You were moving into your dream house, out in the country, built to every specification you and your husband could imagine.  Miserable?

Unfortunately, yes.  A year ago today, and the two days previous to it saw me crying more tears than I thought I had.  I cried while I packed.  I cried while I cleaned. I remember the sound of my crying echoing against empty walls, and my tears dripping on the floor I'd just scrubbed. There is nothing more depressing than cleaning an empty house all by yourself, packing it all into a vehicle waiting to drive you into a nightmare.

Two days before closing day last year, we had discovered that our house was overbudget.  Terribly, horribly, sickeningly overbudget.  We had tradespeople waiting impatiently for their wages--tradepeople who had no compunction about suing us or putting a lien on our brand new house.  James dealt daily with their ire, losing 45 pounds in the process.
We had a house that actually wasn't even completed.  As we frantically clawed after further financing to pay these trades, we were turned down, even laughed at, by financial institutions.  Because our house wasn't complete, no one would chance further financing.  The house wouldn't be complete until we got further financing..and so this evil circle warped around us for one...two...three months....

I nearly didn't come home that night, a year ago today.  I packed up that vehicle and considered driving to my parents instead.  Or just finding a place to park and sleeping in the vehicle.  It was a despair like nothing I'd ever known--and people have told me that I've dealt with some pretty hard things in life.

Finally, the house did get completed.  The trades were paid off and ushered out of our lives forever.  But not without considerable damage to our finances, our budget, our entire way of life.  Like ripples in a pond, the repercussions continue to buffet us to this day.

I'd like to say that a year later, things are wonderful and sparkly.  But sadly, I write this now because writing is cathartic for me...and I need a catharsis.

The worst of it is always the effect on children.  They just don't understand.  They don't understand why beloved activities need to be yanked out of their lives.  They don't understand why the answer to every purchase request is 'we don't have the money'.

I watch videos like this one and I think, no, I know that I need to be thankful for the many blessings I have.  But no matter how privileged my family and I might be, the stress of unpaid bills, cars breaking down that we need to get our workplaces and the gradual inability to buy needed schoolbooks is real.  And causes anxiety to the point of physical illness that no one can downplay.  Oh but I forgot, I'm not permitted to whine about our schoolbooks--because that's our choice to homeschool.

We're still looking for answers.  We've become militant with our budget since last spring, and even more so the last few weeks.  Recently we cut out a number of significant budget items.  Verity had been receiving a specialized therapy for her learning disability diagnosed a year ago--this is now canceled.  I got rid of my cell phone, completely.  The only blessing of that action (other than saving the nearly 100$ a month for the plan) was that I was able to get rid of the plan through kijiji and not have to pay the penalty for breaking out of it.  Within four hours from the time I decided to get rid of it, it was gone.

One of my homeschooling philosophies has been to have my kids enrolled in one physical activity and one musical activity.  This has a number of reasons: the social advantages--yes, as much as I scoff that those who freak out about homeschooling because of the 'socialization' concern are overdoing it, there is a [very] small degree of merit there.  As much as I love being at home with my kids, they need to see more than just my face.  There's the obvious physical fitness part of it--and as much as people who don't homeschool spout off that going to a park or running around the backyard should suffice, it just doesn't cut it.  A weekly lesson or practice that's been set up through a third party and paid for is the only way for me to responsibly ensure that my kids are getting their activity in.  Then there's the discipline, perseverance, focus and attention to detail, just to mention a few other worthy character traits that such activities foster.  And don't get me started on the advantages of musical instruction--that's my life.

I manage to get the music activity in with no expenditure (they attend the choir I conduct, and Afton attends the Musikgarten class I teach) and the nice thing is that the three olders go to choir at the same time.  The sports was a little more challenging.  Honour has been taking highland dance for an hour twice a week for about 2.5 years now.  She was competing about once every 6-8 weeks.  Afton was taking the same once a week for an hour, this was her second year.  And then there's Verity.  From very early on in her life, gymnastics seemed to ooze from her pores.  She jumped, climbed, flipped and rolled everywhere she went once she started walking at 8 months old.  I started her in a recreational program once a week when she was three.  This progressed to trying out for the competitive program when she was about five.  At the risk of sounding like a puffed up mom, it was pretty obvious in every class she took that gymnastics was her gift.  Numerous parents of other gymnasts throughout the last five years have commented to us directly, or indirectly (not realizing Verity's parents were right behind them-sort-of-a-thing) that she has something special.  When we moved to this area last year we transferred her to a closer gym and in the fall they upped her training program from four hours a week to 10.  We had been applying for Jumpstart funding through Canadian Tire and had been successfully receiving that; we transferred that funding to Haldimand county last year as well.  We received enough to pay for 2.5 months per year (she trains year round).  In the fall when we felt she needed to begin the educational therapy, I spoke to the gym about cutting back on her training, both for the financial and scheduling considerations.  They were adamant that she was in the program best suited for her needs.  Instead they suggested I apply for in-club funding, which I did, and we were awarded. It pays for about 1/3 of her monthly costs.

All this is to say that two weeks ago we realized that we had no other option; the sports had to go.  It was easy enough to email the girls dance teacher and explain the situation--she was very sympathetic, and I left the door open by saying that we had to 'take a break'.  This is what I told the girls as well....I couldn't bear to say they were quitting forever...and besides, I really don't know that, right?
The gymnastics is another issue.  We had just put out $300 for her competitive uniforms and the gym averages the cost of the competitions into the monthly fees.  This meant that Verity's 3 upcoming competitions (her very first 'real' meets she's ever had) were at least partially paid for....and if they weren't we would still be on the hook for paying for them, whether or not she went to them.  We managed to get this months fees paid, but as of right now, it will take something close to a minor miracle to find the money for next month.  I'm fully expecting that when this season is done (she'd have a brief break in June before the summer session would start) we will with extremely heavy hearts be pulling her out.

And that is all.  My kids don't run around to 5 different activities every day.  We've cut everything out that there is to cut.

All these cuts have been painful, and the last is no exception.  We contacted about half of our charitable giving recipients and sadly notified them that we were no longer in a position to support them.

Over the past year we've considered a number of ways to bring in more income.

• Putting the kids in school and me getting a job.  There are many reasons that this is not feasible, one being the amount of money I'd bring home after day care/after school care costs and the expenses of getting to a job (it's been proven that the more formal wardrobe, more eating out and a number of other costs cut into a working moms salary significantly) would make my take home insignificant.  Another is that we just took Jairus out of school because they can't provide an education for him.  This has not changed.  A third is...it's not worth it.  My house is not worth it. (yes, you read right!)  I would rather be home with my kids and lose this house, rather than be away from them all day.  Twenty years from now, my kids will remember the time I spent with them, not how nice their house was.
• Worm farming: Ahem.  Yes.  Indeed!  We are, farmers.  James has been spearheading this so I can't give all the income forecasts for this venture, but I'm praying it does work out.
• Taking in a boarder/international student.  We advertised throughout the summer to no avail.  I think the issue is that we are too far out in the country and an international student would need a vehicle...which international students do not usually have.....
• Building an apartment in the basement and renting it out.  We even went as far as mapping out the basement for where we would place the rooms.  The upfront cost of building the apartment though, would be fairly significant.  We'd have to borrow (on top of the incredible debt we already carry).  That thought causes me to break out in hives.  
• Daycare.  I considered it.  End of story.
• Solar panels: We've been in a limbo of the application process for many months.  It will happen sometime....however since we're going with a program that doesn't require the host house to pay up front for the installation of said panels, the monthly income from this will be small.  But helpful.
• More music teaching for me: Done, and done.  I started teaching last fall with a new studio down the road (handy) and a few weeks ago upped it to two nights a week.  I was already teaching one night a week in Hamilton at West Highland Academy of Music.  This plus my choir on Mondays means I'm teaching 4 nights a week and Saturday mornings.  I refuse to teach Friday nights as that's been established as family night for a while now.  
• A weekend job for James: He's considered this a few times now, even the likes of delivering flyers or newspapers.  The problem we encounter is that his recording business is so inconsistent that he couldn't take on a steady weekend job or else have to turn down recording jobs.  Since the long term goal of the JKSS is to take it full time, it shoots him in the foot to turn down recording jobs at this stage.
• The room rental thing is back: We might possibly be eligible for a program that provides rooms for medical students when they are out doing an internship.  It looks like a great opportunity, but I don't want to count my chickens.

I'm currently sourcing out budgeting programs to see if switching from Mvelopes might be more effective.  I do love my Mvelopes, but there could definitely be some improvements to be had in our day to day budgeting.  Right now YNAB (You need a budget) is looking like something good to try.

If none of this works, we will sadly be putting our house on the market, or looking for a renter. :-(  The next few months will tell us.